Week 7 Video Clips, Part 3

Erica Outs Gene

Erica and Jeffrey talking in the Friends room about Gene.  Erica thinks that Joy is just riding Gene’s coattails.  Erica tells Jeffrey that Joy and Gene made out early on in the competition.  Jeffrey said that he thinks it was during the slumber party the first week.  It was before Gene started all the “Showmance” shit.  They sing for Steph to come join them - the video gets LOUD all of a sudden.  I jumped like 10 feet.  Erica tells Steph that Gene/Joy.  She thinks it’s weird that he was making a big deal about them not kissing, where they did.  Steph also doesn’t think that Gene really has twice as many votes as the rest of them.  Joy is watching in her awesome dress.  When they invite her in, the video ends.

Erica’s Last Stand

Erica is still talking to Jeffrey.  She’s desperate for Kevin.  Jeffrey is worried that she might sexually attack him.  She says that she wants booze so she can just say, “Look, are we going to make out or not?”  You. Are. NOT!  GET THE NET!

Fallout Team Captains

Mike, Kevin, and Andrea talking about Captains, and how they are so much better at strategizing than everyone else.  Mike talks about how he’s going to force Kevin onto the other team so they don’t both go into limbo.  I’ve seen all of this before.  They’re convinced they can get Jeffrey to vote for Joy to go to limbo if Mike’s team loses.  I don’t  think the teams they’re discussing are what they wound up with.  They take some time to talk crap about Stephanie.  They claim that she’s different on the live feeds than she is on the show or the rest of the time.  I haven’t noticed that, except that she gets screen time in the live feeds.  Steph isn’t like Kevin and Mike and Andrea who are spend the entire live feeds acting too good to participate, then sit around and talk shit about the other players and the viewers every second they think they aren’t on the air.  In the confessional, Andrea talks about how excited she is that someone from the other team went to limbo.  She does a dance.  That’s not very Christian of you, Andrea.  She goes on and on and on and… shut the fuck up Andrea. God, I hate her.  She’s such a fucking bitch.

Gene Lies to Kevin

In the kitchen, Kevin asks Gene if he voted to send him to limbo.  Gene refuses to say, but Kevin wants to know why people are voting against him.  He’s worried that it’s because people hate him.  Gene says that he didn’t vote for Kevin, and well know he’s lying, including Kevin.

Gene’s Penguin Advice

In the friends room, in the dark, Gene is talking to a stuffed penguin.  He’s making it respond to him.  He can’t possibly be bored enough to be doing this to entertain himself.  He’s hoping that we see it.  Anyway, I imagine they’re talking about how Joy gets pissed at him all the time for no reason.  The “penguin” tells him not to argue with her, because she’s always right.  Sounds like a smart penguin.

Holly’s Not Coming Back

Everyone is in the living room talking about how Holly was young, immature, unintelligent, and therefore never stood a chance.  Mike and Kevin, part of her “alliance” are the most vocal that she’s an idiot and has no shot at coming back.  Gene tries to say that it’s possible, and Kevin calls him “insane.”   I really hope Holly sees this video.

Week 7 Video Clips, Part 2

Missing Gene at Breakfast

Early morning.  Steph goes to wake Gene for Breakfast Club, but he doesn’t want to get up for half an hour.  She wanders away to get started.  Gene tells Joy that he can snuggle for another 20 minutes or so.  She seems annoyed, but insists she’s not jealous.  Now, Gene is trying to make Joy jealous.  Then, he starts talking about how, since he started sharing the bed with Joy, he keeps missing breakfast club.  We keep cutting to Steph washing dishes, making breakfast, talking to herself, and eating on the couch.  Gene and Joy finally stumble out, and they’re all huggy and it’s awkward.  Joy makes one egg for herself rather than asking the others what they want?  Wow.  What a bitch.  Gene has to make his own breakfast.  Stephanie seems irritated with the whole thing.  Not a jealousy thing, but she enjoys the breakfasts with Gene, and Joy is leaving her to be bored.  Apparently, the whole thing is some sort of practical joke on Joy?  I don’t get it.  This is weird.  Don’t watch it.

Breakfast Club

Gene and Joy in bed again.  Stephanie comes in to tell Gene that it’s 8:29 and he’s missing breakfast club.  The whole thing is in whispers, and I’ll be honest - since it’s less than a minute, it’s not worth going to get my headphones.

Bed

This is from last Monday.  They’re speculating as to who will be in each bedroom.  Since I already know who has been in the rooms, I don’t care.  The doors open, and they all freak out at Kevin/Erica in the Enemies room.  Joy asks Erica if she’s going to sleep in sexy lingerie.  I feel like I’m seen parts of this.  Maybe I’m having vision-esque dreams of The Glass House?  If so, please kill me.  I think this is actually from last week’s episode, maybe?  No idea, but I’ve seen it.  In confessional, Erica tells us that Kevin has a crush on her.  No, he doesn’t.  Joy says that maybe it will help Kerica’s relationship.  Did I already recap this video?  Did they repost it out of order?  It’s all just run together…. EFF YOU, ABC!

Cha Fal

This is Jeffrey talking about how he wants Gene to volunteer for limbo.  We know he didn’t, and I saw this last Tuesday or Wednesday.  

106 Fanswers

Week 6 #Fanswers.  I don’t want to see fucking Andrea’s fucking family.  UGH.  I hate her so much.  Actually, this is from last week, because Mike’s still here, so this should be the #Fanswers delivered by Alex, I think?  No.  No one delivers them.  The feed is weird and jumpy and glitchy.  Erica asked if we think that Kevin has genuine affection for her or if it’s gameplay.  We all said “B: Gameplay.”  Kevin got, “No,” and I think this is about whether we enjoy the “fauxmance.”  Stephanie was told to remain rational and avoid the drama.  Jeffrey asked whether Gene or Jeffrey was playing the better game - we said Gene.  Joy was told that she is overdoing it and being way too emotional.  Gene… I missed Gene’s answer, and I don’t care.  Mike was told “no.”  I think he asked if he could beat Jeffrey in limbo, but he might have been asking about Andrea.  No worries - he couldn’t beat either of them.  Andrea is making faces and trying to look pretty for the challenge.  Too bad she’s heinous-looking.  Anyway, the video cuts out, so we’ll apparently never know what her #Fanswer was.  Hmmmm….

Week Seven Video Clips, Part 1

Mike Exposes Gene

This is a few weeks old, since Mike is still in it.  That means that I really don’t care.  Anyway, we start with a broken glass, and Gene stepping on it.  He’s mad that someone broke a glass and just left it sitting there without cleaning it up.  He mentions calling a house meeting. It’s sad to me that we need a “house meeting” about not littering the floor with broken glass.  Anyway, Andrea happens to pass through while Gene is saying this, and she immediately drags Mike into a bedroom to whisper about the house meeting that Gene wants to call.  She didn’t hear the reason, so she’s 100% making shit up.  Mike can’t believe that he would call a house meeting over this - they think Gene wants a house meeting because he threw the challenge.  Kevin and Mike are talking about exposing Gene first.  Something really weird happens - funky cutting and jumping around, Mike walks into a different room where Andrea and Kevin are lying on beds, and they start dancing around and cheering themselves on awkwardly.  God, I hate Andrea.  Every time something reminds me of how horrible she is, I want to just stop watching.  Anyway, cut to Jeffrey telling Gene that he thinks they’re going to get called out for losing the challenge intentionally.  From here, we go to 6 minutes that I saw on Thursday’s live feed last week.  I recapped it once, so my work here is done.

Mike’s Stock is Rising

Mike and Kevin are speculating over Team Captains.  Mike think he’ll be OK, either way.  He also says that, he thinks his stock is rising and, out of everybody, he could maybe beat Jeffrey in limbo.  Nope.  Sorry, Mike.  Only in that way that “sorry” mean “I’m so glad you’re gone, you complete asshole.”

Sleeping Giants

After the toga party, Kevin won’t sleep in the same bed as Erica, so he’s walking around carrying pillows, looking for a place to sleep.  Drunk Erica is walking around, looking for Kevin.  She goes to find Kevin and bitch at him for building a nest of pillows on the floor.  He says that he respects her by giving her the bed.  She said that, if he really respected her, he would talk to her.  Cut to Kevin and Mike.  Kevin doesn’t want anything to do with drunk Erica.  Erica walks in - she has changed into a very sexy top to find out what’s going on.  He tells her that he wanted to avoid drunken bad decisions or the exact awkward conversation they are now having.  She gets fed up and leaves.  Kevin tells Mike that he can’t climb into bed with Erica.  Mike, “Doesn’t she have any… dignity?”  Kevin (without hesitation): “No.”  I’m starting to feel less sorry for her as it’s coming off more and more that she’s just stalking some poor guy who has nowhere to go to get away from her.  He’s still handling it badly, but she’s putting him in a really bad position.  Anyway, Erica sleeps in the bed alone, and Kevin comes in to sleep in the pile of blankets on the floor.  She’s really upset.  For a minute, I fear that she’s going to climb into the pile with him.  Thankfully, she just goes to sleep.

Contribute to Cocky Gene

Stephanie and Erica are talking about Gene and how cocky he is.  Apparently, he told Erica that he has “secrets” with the audience.  They have no idea what this means.  Steph is worried that we’re turning into the Gene show.  “It’s not always about you.” 

Random Mid-Week Bonus Videos

100 Sit-Ups and Push-Ups

Ori tells the players that we voted to either have them do 100 pushups and sit-ups or sit around and eat cake.  I didn’t see that vote - I totally would have gone for cake.  Kevin and Gene decide to just bang it out and do it fast.  Erica and Andrea do girly push-ups, but Stephanie and Joy do them properly - Joy actually does them in flip-flops.  That’s hardcore.  P.S.  This is not interesting.

Force Disagrees

Erica and Gene are lying in bed, talking.  Wish I could hear what they’re saying.  Erica is freaking out about Kevin.  Shocking.  She’s trying to get Gene to admit throwing a stone at Kevin, so this is from a couple of weeks ago.  He says that it’s because of his Fanswer.  I’ll be honest - I deeply don’t care why Gene threw the stone at Kevin.  I’m only sad that (a) Kevin and (b) Andrea are still around and that, apparently, the American public likes them enough to vote for them.  My opinion of the general American public drops daily.

Liquid Food

We saw this on the live feed.  Joy was in the middle of making dinner when they told everyone they were going to be stuck on a liquid diet.  They know what time these things happen - seriously, make dinner earlier.  Whatever.

Week Six Video Summary

Most of these are really short and uninteresting.  Thus, the very short summaries.

Bathroom

Erica is doing her hair in the bathroom, and Andrea is talking to her.  If I were any of them, I’d pretty much just refuse to talk to her ever again.  Andrea is saying that she’s screwed.  Did she say that she wants to vote against Mike?  Ok.  She’s just showing what a two-faced bitch she is.  Nothing new here.

Andrea and Gene Talk

Gene is wearing Jeffrey’s clothes.  I think I saw this before.  I hate Andrea.  She’s mad at Gene for lying and trying to play her - which is exactly what she’s doing to everyone not named Kevin.

Know It All

More boring strategy talk.  Alliances, blah blah blah.  Gene thinks there are three game changes left in the house.  Kevin wants to save Mike.  Sounds like this is before Holly left.  Why is this called Know it All?  Whatever.  Save your two minutes.

Rocky Relationship

Gene and Joy are lying on one of the tiny twin beds together.  This must be before they got put in the friends room.  Anyway, Joy is bummed out.  Life in The Glass House is getting to her.  I think this is from last Tuesday’s “We’re all so bummed out” live feed.  For no apparent reason, Gene brings up an argument they had the night before.  This is bizarre and awkward.

Andrea Dilemma

Andrea in the bathroom where Joy is crying, again.  She’s apologizing for the way someone spoke to her - I’m going to assume Mike.  Oh, I saw this.  It was on the live feed.  No need to relive it.

Viewers Rock

From last week:  Stephanie and Erica are ecstatic that Holly and Mike were the bottom two.  Nothing to see here.

Gene Talks to Mike

This starts with Holly, Kevin, and Mike plotting, as per usual.  Gene walks in to try to convince them to pick him for their teams.  Weird.

Holly Thanks Mike

This is the night before Holly goes into limbo.  She’s sure she’s not coming back, for obvious reasons.  Anyway, she and Mike have a conversation where they both pretend they’re going to keep in touch after the show, and Mike says some condescending bullshit that he says is “fatherly.”  Whatever.

Nails and Wigs

I’ve seen this video before.  I don’t remember when or how, but I’m not recapping it again.

Never Been Kissed

Holly and Joy in the bathroom.  Holly is talking about her strict upbringing - she says she’s never had a boyfriend.  Joy asks if she’s ever been kissed, and she says that’s “too personal.”  So, the title is misleading.  She doesn’t say that she’s never been kissed.

                                     

105 Fanswer

I feel like I’ve seen this one before, too.  Anyway, Jeffrey reminds us that the fans told him that it’s not a dick move to put someone in limbo two weeks in a row, but Steph points out that the Fans specifically told her to put Andrea in limbo, so they agree to vote for Andrea.  *yawn*  Old news.

Jeffrey and Erica Talk

Ori gives us a “bonus scene” from the last episode.  Erica and Jeffrey are talking about how weird and awkward Kevin’s crush on Andrea is.  “He’s all defending her honor…. ‘she’s a married Mormon woman!…. That I would like to marry if given the chance.’”  Awesome.  I’m glad I’m not the only one who is really disturbed by their dynamic.

Week Five Video Clips, Part 2

Fake Nails/18th Century Wigs

As the Breakfast Club meets, Ori calls the players to the living room.  I believe this is from Friday, July 6, as it’s the same day that Jeffrey and Gene had to switch clothes.  Anyway, they have to put on fake nails.  Cut to Jeffrey, showering with them.  I can’t un-see that!!  I really didn’t need to know that Jeffrey is extremely hairy.  Stephanie can’t pull her pants up with nails.  Jeffrey and Erica painted theirs.   *yawn*  This might have been funnier if we saw more.  Or if the things we saw were better.

Nervous Ashley

Do I need to summarize this?  We know Ashley’s gone.  Anyway, Stephanie is talking to Andrea and Ashley about picking captains and stuff.   Ashley says that, primarily, seeing her name made her question the way she was playing the game and wonder if she should change tactics.  Andrea talks about how much it sucks to be captain.  Maybe, since Ashley is the one who was captain every week, she should be the one talking.  We cut to Joy - I didn’t even know she was in the room.  She says that Apollo defeated himself.  They’re talking about who to pick for the team.  Steph recognizes why it might be tempting to choose someone you think you can beat in limbo, except - the viewers must like that person better than you, because you were lowest and they weren’t.  In the confessional, Steph tells us that it’s hard to strategize without knowing who the captains are, because the strategy changes.  She knows that it can’t be Holly or Apollo, because they’re in limbo.  Cut to Ashley, telling us that she’s praying that there was something about her that the viewers saw that they liked.  Sorry, Ashley, there wasn’t.  She says that it’s frustrating to win the challenge and still be in the bottom two.  I can understand why that would be frustrating.  She says that being the Team Captain is the worst thing ever.  Worse than being eliminated?  Worse than Katrina?  Worse than getting a pap smear from Edward Scissorhands? 

Bangs

Seriously, they want us to watch Joy giving herself bangs?  While Andrea cheers her on?  No.

Exercise

The lights come on, and Stephanie and Andrea find an exercise bike.  They run out in the yard to find trampolines and jump ropes.  (Or, it’s a trampoline with handles.)  They are so excited - it’s pretty cute.

Week Five Video Clips

Chores

This is from last Friday - Ori tells us that it’s chore day.  Mike asks Steph if she was sending out tweets requesting this.  Apparently, now that Robin left, she’s the only one that cleans.  Here’s how the vote worked out:  Andrea - wash sheets/towels, Erica - vacuum, Gene - supervise, Holly - scrub the bathroom, Jeffrey - windows, Joy - dust and polish, Mike - sweep and mop entire house.  Steph - clean out the fridge.  Gene gets a hat that says “supervisor.”  It looks like he may be helping a little.  Holly doesn’t know how to clean, but Stephanie gives her credit for trying.  The look on Andrea’s face watching Holly clean the mirror is priceless - I’m fairly certain it matches my own exactly.  Holly runs water in the sink, flicks droplets at the mirror, and then pulls a squeegee down it.  Can someone get this girl some Windex?  And maybe a rag or paper towel?  

                                      

Creeper

Jeffrey is lying on the lawn, at night, alone.  Erica and Joy are inside, snuggling on the couch.  We cut back and forth to Jeffrey wandering around, in a hoodie, and their conversation (no more kissy-face with Kevin).  Joy and Erica kiss.  Erica calls Jeffrey out for being creepy, and he says, “Don’t throw stones….” through the glass.  It’s creepy, yet bizarrely awesome.

Half Shirts

From two weeks ago - Ori tells the Glassmates that they’ll be wearing half-shirts all day.   These shirts are tiny.  The mens’ shirts barely cover their nipples.  The girls dance around, having a good time.  For the 2,000th time, we hear Andrea say that modesty is important to her.  Holly says that she likes her.  Kevin, “Yeah - you would!”  Awesome.

Knock First

Mike is bitching about the other players.  “Snobs vs. Slobs.”  Wanting to live with a minimal standard of cleanliness in a house with 10 other people does not make a person a snob.  Also, I imagine that there’s nothing better to do than clean in that house. Oh, wait.  You could lie around all day and bitch about the person who is cleaning.  Basically, they’re all bitching about Stephanie because she’s wandering around collecting laundry.  Stephanie and Joy wander in the bedroom to socialize with everyone else, and Mike tells them that they should have knocked so he could have told them not to come in.  Steph thinks they’re kidding, because no one would really be that rude, but - apparently, yes, they would.  Everyone sits in awkward silence until Joy and Stephanie leave.  Wow.  Just… wow.  These are the people who want to “expose” everyone else for what they are?  

Team Draft

Ashley and Holly picking their teams.  We already know what happened.  Ashley got first pick, because she had more votes than Holly.  Shocking.  Jeffrey was excited to be picked first, but he also recognized that Holly wanted to lose because she picked the “gay, fat kid” first.  They didn’t even try to make this not obvious by acting like they didn’t know exactly who they were picking from the beginning.

Workable Bonds

Jeffrey is telling Erica and Joy that Stephanie told him that the others believe they have the only real alliance.  Erica is wearing that amazing green dress.  The good guys have a “workable bond.”  Cut to a different day, Erica wearing a different dress, talking about how she dislikes the word “alliance.”  The alliance makes me think of the jerky government in Firefly, so I’m OK with that.  Jeffrey tells us in confession that the house is completely divided.  He’s confident that he’s on the right side.  Joy tells us that she thinks her side has more of a bond with the viewers (which is the whole idea).  Erica says that she’s working for the Force, not the Dark Side.  Awesome.  This video is really longer than it needs to be, though, and I’ve just hit all the high points for you.  You’re welcome.

Week 3 Friday Video Clips, Part 4

Nicknames

Holly and Ashley are sitting on beds, talking.  They want to assign nicknames to everyone.  They call Stephanie “Snoopy.”   They want to give Joy a name that means they can sit in front of her and talk about her without her knowing.  Bitches.  

Double Dutch

Ori calls them into the living room.  They’re all excited, because they think they can remove the gloves now.  Kevin is cheating by wearing both mittens on one hand.  Mike isn’t wearing them.  They see that we had to vote on flag football v. double dutch.  Looks like Double Dutch won.  Mike and Ashley have the ropes, and Andrea jumps in (still wearing her mittens).  Mike’s mittens are on his feet.  Ashley gets props for turning the ropes with her mittens on.  Neither Andrea nor Jeffrey is very good at Double Dutch.  Stephanie does OK, but only for a moment.  Jeffrey takes over turning the ropes.  Mike is slightly better than he is, but Steph is still the best.  Mike wanders into the bedroom and tells Kevin that he “used to beat the crap out of kids that did that.”  I knew he was a bully in high school!  Note that, of everyone in the house, only the girls and Jeffrey are doing double dutch.  We cut back to the yard, and Andrea does it properly this time.  Once she got the hang of it, she’s pretty bad.  Ashley is no good, either.  Gene comes out to twirl the ropes.  Finally, Kevin deigns to join everyone else in doing what the viewers wanted.  He doesn’t even try - just jumps into the ropes and messes them up.  Ashley does much better on her second attempt than her first.  We see Joy and Gene sitting inside, watching, and the clip ends.

                            

Bologna Sandwich

This is right after last week’s challenge, because they’re all wearing their challenge outfits.  Jeffrey says that, before he finds out what Ori is going to make them eat for the next 24 hours, he’s going to get the meal he just made and scarf it down.  If it’s already cooked, I’m not going to call him out for that.  Ori tells them that the viewers had to vote that they would eat either nothing but pizza and beer or bologna and juice boxes for the next 24 hours.  Dude - I eat nothing but pizza and beer frequently, sometimes for far longer than 24 hours.  Gene tells us that he doesn’t eat bologna just as Ori tells us that’s what won.  He looks pissed.  He notes that there are currently four burgers on the stove.  In the kitchen, they discuss whether you can add other stuff to the sandwiches.  Joy put bologna on the hamburgers that were cooking.  We cut to Stephanie throwing up, then she comes back into the kitchen and throws the sandwiches away.  She’s wearing a different outfit, so it’s hopefully the next day and they’re getting real food soon.  Poor thing.

Mean Girls

They’re all on the couch, and Stephanie makes a joke about ABC airing reels of her getting hit in the face all the time.  It then segues into the Holly’s Outfit clip.  Seriously?  What’s going on here?

                                    

Ashley Hashes with Jeffrey

Ashley says, “Do you have to be rude about it?” and then she and Jeffrey go into another room.  She repeats the question.  He says that there isn’t a lot to say, and she tells him that he needs to at least be cordial.  After some of the things people were saying to him, he needs time to be away and decompress.  (That’s essentially what he is saying, but I said it myself while he was talking).  He says that it will take some time to calm down and warm up to people again, based on how offended he got.  She’s pushing him.  If someone is upset with you, nitpicking and bugging them about why they’re upset with you isn’t necessarily the best way to make them feel better.  Jeffrey explains why he wanted a symbolic vote for this week, because he assumed Andrea would beat Robin in limbo, anyway.  It was about showing that certain behaviors shouldn’t be tolerated.  He then tells Ashley that they should band together as minorities.  She explains that her vote was based on strategic game play, and not Erica’s comment that she was a coward.  Considering that she brought up this comment 1,100 times, I’m fairly certain she’s lying.  They talk about discrimination, which they’ve both had to deal with it.  Ashley, being half-black, gets it from both sides, which has to be harsh.  Then, they rehash the conversation I just recapped for the next four minutes.  I take an opportunity to nap, because I’m a busy lady, and recapping all this is exhausting.  Then, Jeffrey tells Ashley (in confidence), that he would be open to some sort of strategic move designed to keep her there.  He mentions that she saw an opportunity in the first week, and he respects that, so he wants to talk to her about anything else that may happen.  They agree and shake on it.  I’m waiting to see if she tells everyone else about this conversation.  They agree that they’re OK, and Ashley sashays out of the room.

Week 3 Friday Video Clips, Part 3

No Mattress

They’re all in the kitchen, sitting around the counter.  Erica reminds us that she has no bed, so if she leaves, she’s taking a mattress with her.  She suggests living at someone’s house after the show, and Joy offers her a couch.  Erica says that she’s stealing a mattress when she leaves, along with one of Kevin’s soiled shirts.  Joy offers her a mattress, but she has to get it to Denver.  This is only a minute.


Singing Contest

… From the live feed.  Don’t bother, if you saw it.  If you didn’t, skip ahead to where Ashley sings.  Do not watch the live feed, if you like yourself.

Holly’s Outfit

They’re all in the living room, and someone says she’s tried.  Holly decides to go to bed and wanders out.  Gene asks why Holly is always walking around in a bikini, but didn’t want her bra to show in the half shirts.  This is an excellent question.  Ashley gives a non-answer, which is that women want to show their bikinis, but not their bras. (I mean, I realize that this applies to most women, but it doesn’t make sense).  Joy says that she should model swimwear or lingerie.  The women start talking about how she has a great body, and Gene acts like he never noticed. “I’ll have to look.”  Ha!  Joy says that everyone has their own look, and she likes Andrea’s modest look.  Stephanie says that it’s about bing true to yourself.  Ashley wanders away and says a weird, breathy “Good night!,” which no one notices because they’re not looking.  She joins Kevin and Mike in the bedroom.  She claims that she had to leave because she couldn’t hate anymore, but they were saying nice things about how it’s beautiful to be who you are and you have to know yourself, so that’s not really hateful.  Calling other people hateful for no reason is, though.  “I don’t want to be hateful, so now I’m going to talk trash about everyone else.  It’s OK, though, because I don’t like them.”  What a bitch.  Now, they’re saying that Joy is jealous of Holly because she has a way better body.  Except she doesn’t, so that doesn’t make any sense.  Has anyone seen Joy’s body?  It’s just about perfect.  I know, because she was walking around in a thong in one of the live feeds.  Ashley starts going on and on about how a bra is different from a bikini.  Depends on the bar, honestly.  Most of them are not.  Ashley then finds Holly and recounts the entire conversation again.  Now, they’re all just talking about how they’re all so jealous of Holly.  Why would anyone be jealous of Holly?  She’s got good hair, but she’s not pretty, she’s dumb as a rock, and she’s fucking annoying.  Yes, she’s thin.  She’s 21.  She won’t be thin forever.  Besides, you only need to be that thin if you’re dumb, ugly, and boring.  Otherwise, you have other things that make people want to hang out with you.  Holly starts talking about covering up her body.  As long as she covers her mouth, I’m happy.  They start playing dress-up, as Holly puts on like 20 layers of clothes and then walks back into the living room.  Joy asks to feel her abs, and then Holly goes back to bed.  That was so weird.

Is Joy Playing with Gene?

Ashley asks Joy again if it’s a showmance, or a romance.  Joy says she’s already answered that.  Cut to Joy in the confessional, telling us that she doesn’t really know what’s going on, and doesn’t think Gene really knows, either.  We see her saying, again, that she came into the house to win the money, not to fall in love.  She’s not going to let anyone get between her and her daughter’s college fund.  I’ve seen this before, too.  Wow, thanks ABC for (a) making me watch these really boring, crappy live feeds, (b) carving them up into pieces and acting like you created videos I want to watch, and (c) making me watch the same boring shit AGAIN.  Eff you, ABC.

Confident Captain

Holly and Joy are talking about how Holly’s team needs to win, and Joy will not throw Holly under the bus.  Holly tells Joy that she feels confident in her team, and Joy says that’s good, because they’re going to win.  I’m glad to have it confirmed that she is the Team Captain.  Joy is concerned, because she thinks the other players pressured her into picking a team that she wanted to lose so she could get one of the players in the other alliance out of the house.  Everyone else thinks that, too.  Holly says like 2,000 platitudes, as if she were coaching basketball.  It’s all meaningless babble.

                                                    

Gene’s Real Showmance

Kevin asks Gene if he really thinks it was so horrible to kiss a girl one week and vote her out the next.  Kevin is worried that everyone is going to think it’s awful and hate him.  Gene doesn’t know that it’ll be aired at all.  Oh, Gene, it was, and it made Kevin look like a jackass.  Kevin then says they should show Gene’s “showmance” instead, because it’s more interesting.  He says it’s because his is real.  Mike says something that I miss.  I don’t like him enough to rewind.  In the confessional, Gene says that he thinks Kevin has a genuine concern the Joy is playing him, but Mike is just trying to be a dick.  If Joy votes against him, he’ll be surprised, but he would also be impressed with her ability to play the game.

Week 3 Friday Video Clips, Part 2

Jeffrey’s Only Fight

Jeffrey and Joy are lying on the bed in the Enemies room.  Ha!  I thought the title was “Only Flight.”  I was expecting him to tell us he’d only been on a plane once (and I was confused).  No, it’s really about his only physical fight.  A bully was picking on his little brother.  Jeffrey told him to stop, and the bully laughed.  So, Jeff hit him in the nose.  Good for him.  Unfortunately, he didn’t know how to fight, so it caused a gushing fountain of blood and the bully had to go to the hospital.  They all got suspended, because the kid almost died.  Jeffrey’s dad was proud of him.   Was he like, “Woo-hoo!  My son’s not gay!!”?  Really?  His dad should have been teaching him how to hit someone without almost killing him (but only if necessary).

4th of July Party

They’re all in the living room, and Ori tells them they’re going to have a Fourth of July celebration.  *sigh*  This is also a clip from the live feed.  I’m not recapping this crap again.  Don’t waste your time on that video.  

Drinks for the 4th

….. And, this is also a clip from the July Fourth live feed.  I’m getting annoyed. 

Gay Cocktails

Jeffrey wishes he was in his gay barn with a proper gay cocktail (which has flavored vodka).  One is Absolut Mandarin with club soda, cranberry juice, and lime.  That’s his favorite.  He also like “Sweet Tea Vodka,” which is mostly club soda, with a splash of lemonade, and either a slice of lime or orange.  Stephanie tells us that she likes whipped cream vodka with orange soda.  It may not be a classy drink, but it tastes like a creamsicile, and it’s delicious.  Ashley apparently has never heard of flavored vodka, so they fill her in, and the clip ends.

Gene Talks Stunts

Gene is lying in bed, talking to Ashley and Holly about working as a stunt man.  It involves safety harness and stuff.  Ashley asks if he can wear that stuff when doing the stunt.  He says that, sometimes you can, yes.  They just edit it out of the movie.  Some stunts just involve air bags and stuff.  When jumping off buildings and stuff, there’s no harness.  You just jump.  You learn how to fall properly.  I am actually fascinated by this conversation, and I’m not sure I’ve ever made that statement about this show.  There are two types of falls - high and low.  Sometimes, there aren’t mats or padding, but there usually is.  Holly asks about the glass that you see shattering.  Gene says it’s “movie glass,” so it’s not like what you expect.  Hitting it doesn’t exactly hurt, but you feel it when you go through.  There’s just no way to cut yourself, because it looks real, but it isn’t.  Right, because it’s not safe to throw people through real glass walls. 

I Hate My Hair

For some reason, we’re all hanging out in the bathroom.  Kevin is playing with the 11 hairs on his hair.  Andrea is totally doing his hair for him.  The way she’s touching him is rather intimate, if you ask me.  Holly tells him he looks like GQ, which is a bit of an overstatement.  Kevin messes it all up and says he’s going to wear a hat  Andrea goes on and on about how good he looked, because he messed it up.  After Andrea stops awkwardly touching Kevin’s head, the video gets boring.  She does remember she’s married, right?

                                                

Week 3 Friday Video Clips, Part 1

Mike and Robin Strategy

Everyone is hanging out in the living room.  Robin walks in.  “Mike!  It’s time to walk the dogs!”  She tells us that she’s planning to fly under the radar for awhile.  She’s worried that she’ll be seen as a target for making that comment after Steph told the story about her husband dying.  Mike pulls out some paranoid bullshit about Stephanie being so smart she reads his and Kevin’s lips from across the room when they’re trying to strategize.  She’s smart, but I somehow doubt it.  Robin tells us that she wants Stephanie on her team.  Mike tells Robin to listen more, talk less.  They discuss a signal that lets Robin know when she needs to shut up.  Of course, they won’t need it.  Buh-bye, Robin.

Assistant Coach

Robin is in the bedroom with Stephanie.  She said that she wants Steph to know that she wants to come back, because there’s been some speculation that she wants to go home.  She tells Steph that she’s playing to win. Stephanie says that her strategy is to win the challenges.  Robin is telling Stephanie what to say, when to say it, and how to do it.  Ok - this is before the challenge.  She wants Steph to back her up on the challenge as sort of a Co-Team Captain, to help her win.  We also learn that Robin picked Stephanie first to be on her team, because of her brains.  She respects Steph and wants her to help win the challenge.  It’s unfortunate for Robin that the challenge wound up something that there could be no real strategy.  Anyway, we cut to Stephanie in the confessional, telling us that she was never picked for sports in school, so it feels good to be the first-round choice.

Damage Control

Well, this is interesting.  As if Holly doesn’t talk enough, she’s sitting on the bed talking to Erica, and it’s echoing, so I get to hear everything she says twice.  Wonderful.  Anyway, she’s talking to Erica about coming back into the house with a clean slate.  ABC wants me to watch five minutes of Holly speaking doubly?  Why do they hate me?  Anyway, “blah blah blah clean slate blah blah blah.”  Erica tells Holly that she intends to vote for her, because Holly has voted for her every week since the beginning.  She doesn’t want to be the mean girl this week.  Anyway, Erica says that there’s some jealousy involved, because Holly is super hot, but it really has to do with Holly voting for her.  Erica is done talking smack about Holly to others.  This is really boring.  Don’t watch it.  Erica says again that she doesn’t want to be mean girls.  I feel like this video may not be “Damage Control,” but “Mean Girls.”  Whatever.  They go into the living room and find Joy.  Holly is whining about people sending tweets about her.  They say they didn’t, and I think they’re being honest about that.  I don’t remember seeing tweets about Holly when she was out of the house.  Holly tells Joy that Erica said she’s jealous of her.  Joy says that’s stupid, because Erica is beautiful (which she is).  Is Holly whining that Erica said she’s too beautiful?  Yeah, she’s obnoxious.

Good vs. Evil

The name of this video already annoys me.  I think we all know which team should be “Team Good,” if any, and it’s not the team with bigots and haters.  Anyway, Andrea and Ashley are sitting on a bed with weird porno music playing in the background.  Ashley whispers that “It’s good versus evil - good always prevails.”  I hope she’s right.  See my second sentence.  Cut to Holly saying the same thing.  Then, she tells the others not to play a dirty game, at the same time she’s talking trash about the others.  This is only 40 seconds, and it’s really not worth watching.

Joy Probes Erica

Ooooh, dirty!   Joy and Erica are in the bathroom.  That weird porn music is there again.  Joy asks Erica if she and Kevin had an awkward moment that morning, and Erica said that she doesn’t know what she’s talking about.  Joy says she’s glad that Erica was the first, not her.  This is also super short, but it’s a cute interaction between them.

Ori is Named

Everyone is hanging out in the living room.  This is just a clip from the earlier feed where Ori tells them her name.  Zzzzzz.  We’ve all seen this (at least, all four of us that have no lives and actually watch the video feeds).

Friday Quick Video Summaries

Thanks to The WolfMutt, for providing these video summaries while I am unavailable (full summaries to follow in a few days).

There are some more videos up: Damage Control (Holly being obnoxious), Good v Evil (Holly being obnoxious), Robin and Mike (Holly being obnoxious... just kidding - this time it is Mike & Robin being obnoxious and rude about Stephanie), and Assistant Coach (Robin being weird and Stephanie doing a good job at keeping a straight face). Nothing particularly interesting, but it is good for procrastinating [at] work right now.

Sunday Bonus Videos! (Really, this time)

Holly Aramaic
Joy is lying on a bed, talking to Holly, who is putting on makeup. She says that her entire family is Caldean, which means they’re Catholics from Northern Iraq, and they all speak Aramaic. Joy thought it was a dead language, and Holly says that people only think that’s because it’s an old, ancient language. Joy asks her to say something in Arameic. There’s a really long pause, and she stumbles, then pauses, says she’s not fluent, and starts over like 10 times. She can’t quite explain what she said, or break it down, and she thinks she might have been speaking Arabic. Really? Seriously, Holly, you need to do some research before you go on these shows. If you’re going to tell everyone that you speak Aramaic, at least watch The Passion of the Christ a couple of times before you have to go into sequester. Honestly.

                                              

Bathroom Beverage

Erica and Stephanie are lying in bed. Apparently, Erica isn’t felling well. Steph starts talking about home remedies for earaches, but apparently they’re bringing in a doctor for her. The next thing we see is Stephanie walking into the bathroom carrying a bunch of stuff. Andrea is doing her hair at the sink, someone else is in the shower. I don’t know exactly what’s going on, but there are weird noises coming from the living room, and Andrea is curious what Steph is going. She couldn’t make tea in the kitchen, so she has to bring the espresso maker into the bathroom to make hot water. Huh. Stephanie’s blue shirt and black pants are very similar to the outfit that Big Brother was bitching about in their ridiculous affidavit alleging copyright infringement, but I think that’s more likely because she didn’t bring enough clothes to wear a different outfit every day, than because we’re still in week one. Erica wanders in as Jeffrey exits the shower, and Andrea starts talking about how beautiful Erica is. That makes me wonder if this is before the big fight. Huh. I could really use some context to these videos. One of the producers asks them all to gather in one of the bedrooms.  I have absolutely no idea what is going on here. Joy is telling someone that she still loves men, but she’s had some cheating issues? Loving men doesn’t mean you can’t cheat. This conversation is fascinating, and I’d love to hear more, but that’s the end of it.

Sunday Video Bonus!

I got really excited to see that ABC posted additional videos.  Except, well...

Dance

This is the same video as “Dance class.”  Whatever, ABC.  Don’t fuck with me before I’d had my coffee.  I’ve decided instead how I want this video to go.  Jeffrey, Erica, Joy, and Stephanie dance in the living room.  Andrea sits and sulks with her hateful laser beam eyes.  Kevin asks her why she’s so sad, and she complains that the other women aren’t joyless and proper like a girl should be.  She denounces them all as hussies.  Then, she and Kevin sneak off into the “friends” room to fornicate.  After, Andrea bursts into flames for her blasphemy.  Kevin tries to put the flames out, but accidentally runs into a wall, knocking himself out.  He has to leave The Glass House to get medical care (he’ll be fine, though).  Robin actually goes so crazy she starts licking the walls.  When Mike tries to stop her, she bites his neck.  They both also have to leave.  In the background, Jeffrey, Erica, Stephanie, and Joy keep dancing to Lady Gaga.

Jeff’s Rockstar Outfit

Joy tells Jeffrey that she likes his rock star outfit, and he should add spikes and black nail polish.  Jeffrey thinks that’s too much.  He says that he spiked his hair, instead.  “Just a smidge.”

                                         

In case anyone else is keeping score, the Joy and Erica pictures video is still broken, so I've decided to assume that it's Joy and Erica looking at pictures of Kevin stripping from a gig that he did prior to The Glass House.  What else could it be?

Friday Videos, Part 5

Jezzy, Chrizzy, ABC!  No video clips at all for a week, and then you post like 15 at once?  Half of them aren't even interesting!  Let's make a deal - you give me one or two a day, and you flag the really dull stuff so I can avoid watching.  That saves me time and the pain of carpal tunnel syndrome.

                            

Anyway, on to the final videos for this week (probably....)

Balloon in Shirt

Mike is wearing Robin’s mouse ears and he’s put balloons in his shirt to create breasts.  Joy’s are still bigger.  He’s talking to people in the kitchen that I can’t see.  Joy says that they need recycle bins in the kitchen.  This should be Monday night after the live feed, but I swear I see Holly sitting in the background.  It must be right after the second challenge?  Anyway, Mike turns to Gene, Holly, and Kevin.  Kevin bitches about the producers using them to produce a reality show.  *gasp*  The horror!  Anyway, he’s upset that they’re toying with his emotions.  Joy says that this whole experience has helped her appreciate her time alone.  She jumps up and slams her breasts against Mikes.  Then, she tries to pop them with her breasts.  In the background, Holly tells Erica that they’re creating Uggs for men, and Tom and Giselle are the masterminds behind the operation.  Huh.  Gene and Mike are playing some weird Karate Kid game.  In case you're wondering, men's Uggs appear to look just like women's Uggs.

                                                      

Jeff Catholic

Jeff and Holly in the kitchen with Mike.  This is right after the conversation with Mike and Holly, I think.  Jeff is making lunch.  He’s telling them that he’s always been very self-aware.  He’s aways been perfectly OK with who he is, and he realized that other people in his school were not, but that he would meet others like him.  Mike says that is must have been really hard to hear stuff like that.  Am I the only person out there who went to a Catholic School that didn’t teach that gays are bad?  I have never appreciated my parents as much as I do at this exact moment.  The conversation moves to food prep and dishes.  It’s a short clip.

Cats

I was hoping for actual felines but, I’m not stupid.  Jeffrey is in the bottom of the red thing.  Erica comes up, and he asks if she’s going to sit on top of him.  Instead of answering, she meows.  When she climbs up, he starts batting at her.  They have a mini  -cat fight, then make up and start purring.  Seriously, can we just have an entire hour of these two every week?

Dance Class

They’re all wearing mittens!  This must be from last Friday.  Mike is in the living room, and Jeffrey is teaching Andrea and Stephanie a dance.  He’s cheating!  His mittens are on his feet!  Cheater!!  Erica comes in, and Jeffrey takes them all through the dance.  Andrea says the dance was really funny when he did it in their challenge.  I did not see dancing as part of the bizarre flying birdhouse challenge.  I’m confused.  The best part of this dance is that they’re all wearing mittens as they’re flinging their arms around.  I like that Mike, sitting in the chair, is following the arm movements perfectly.  He jumps up and decides to join in.  He shoves Stephanie aside so he can be in the middle.  Ashley is watching and giving them a little music.  I think Joy is with her.  I don’t see Holly or Apollo, which makes me wonder if the limboed players have already left the house.  Hmmm…  Anyway, Roll, snap, roll, snap and push it on back!  

Jeff Bathroom

Jeffrey tells a story of playing sports when he was ill.  Apparently, the coach wouldn’t let him go to the restroom.  I’m sorry… I can’t recap the rest of this video.  If you have weird poop issues, don’t watch it.  The best part is the punchline, anyway.  “I told you I had to poop!”

                                                

Friday Videos, Part 4

Foot Fetish

****If you happen to be Kevin’s 15 year old daughter, you do not want to read this****

Kevin is lying on the bed, and Mike and Joy are in the room.  Joy touches Kevin’s foot and he calls it the “honey hole.”  Apparently, he really likes it when someone sucks on his toes.  Joy likes it, too.  Mike doesn’t like it, but Joy tells him to just go with it.  She says she never would have had sex if she’d let not liking something stop her.  Her first kiss apparently did not go well, and it was really gross.  She was like 12, though.  I remember kissing being pretty gross and weird at first.  Anyway, Joy goes on to say that most of what she’s done she didn’t like at first.  She thinks Mike can develop a foot fetish if he’d allow himself.  EW!  Kevin wants a girl to suck his toes but won’t kiss her after.  He won’t kiss her toes, either.  Wait a minute.  Does this mean that sinner Kevin is a fornicator?  That’s what I’m hearing.  Where’s Andrea?!?  What a hypocrite.  Wants his toes sucked but won’t reciprocate.  Don’t give Kevin a blow job, ladies.  He’s apparently not much of a given.  (God, I hope his daughter is not reading this.  Samara, go away!)  Anyway, Mike asks Joy if there’s anything she’s not OK with, and she can’t think of anything.  They move to talking about sweat and stuff.  I zone out, because it’s weird and creepy.

                                                 

Gene and the Ladies

Gene, Apollo, and the ladies are gathered around the island.  Ashley says that thinks appearance is important, but it’s about the overall picture and attitude, not the makeup.  Erica says that she can take a guy from a “way hotter chick” just because of her personality and attitude.  Gene says, “I don’t think there can be a way hotter chick.”  I stop and realize that Joy is not in the room.  Huh.  Gene says that a person in the Glass House can only maintain a fake personality for 36 hours.  They move onto talking about Alex again. Erica thinks Alex is a sociopath, and we fade out after Gene challenges her to spell it (she, in fact, sings the spelling, because she is awesome incarnate).

Gene’s Friend

Gene is telling Kevin, Stephanie, and Mike that all of his good friends are in Florida.  Apparently, a good friend of his died in a theme park accident trying to get the ride fixed.  He gives us some gory details that I'd rather not recap.  That’s really sad, though.

Robin’s Husband

Robin and Mike are throwing a ball.  Robin says that her “significant other” will be so glad she’s learning to catch.  Mike asks why he didn’t teach her, and she says it’s because she doesn’t mind looking stupid in front of Mike.  That’s funny.  Then Mike says that his dog learns things the same way as his wife.  What?  Apparently, she completely overreacts if he tries to correct her.  Robin complains about the method her boyfriend teaches.  I suspect that Mike and her boyfriend teach in exactly the same way, and Robin and Mike’s wife’s react exactly the same way.  Robin invites Mike and his wife (girlfriend?) to a Nationals game next summer.  Apparently, her boyfriend is a Phillies fan, which means that he is actually insane.  Robin tells us that they’re so bad, the Nationals try to get all of the tickets sold so Philly fans can’t get them. She then tells us that Philly fans are just all the way around crazy, for all teams.  Apparently, he runs three fantasy football leagues at the same time.  I do not think I’d have much in common with that guy.  But, then again, he hangs out with Robin voluntarily, so I maybe could have guessed that.

Throw Ball

Mike and Robin tossing the ball.  This clip appears to be immediately before the other one.  Mike shows Robin has to throw.  If I already know how to throw a ball (OK, I’ll be honest, I just don’t care), do I still have to watch this?  It’s like four minutes!  I’d rather go read Holly’s Twitter word diarrhea.  Robin tells Mike that the people inside are talking about them.  Robin throws like a girl.  She can’t catch, either.  This is four minutes, and none if it is interesting.

Holly Comes Back

At this point, we all know Holly is back, but here is her talking to Mike as he tries to recruit her for Team Wack-a-Doodle  (Team Yak-a-Doodle?).  She says that she’s just sitting back and laying low.  Mike tells her that sometimes, the best play is no play at all.  He also reminds her that Apollo actually got the lease votes, so it makes sense that she beat him.  Holly has teal nails, but a green shirt, which is weird.  After three or four times through this next section, I realize that it’s ABC that messed up the sound and not my computer.  So, this is stupid.  After a minute of silence, Holly tells Mike that she’ll be back even stronger than she was, and the players are going to be far more intimidated.  Mike tells Holly that she was “absolved” from everything last night.  Does that mean she’s immune this week?  She tells Mike that she can’t be fake.  Mike tells her that the other girls don’t like her because she’s young and pretty.  That’s actually not why they don’t like her.  They don’t like her because she’s obnoxious and she lies.  Mike says that the problem is there are no other hot girls, and Holly starts talking about how all the rest of them are really insecure about their looks.  Really?  Andrea talks constantly about how hot she is, Joy is an actual nude model, and Stephanie has mentioned being comfortable with who she is a few times.  Erica has a valid reason for being insecure, (poor thing!  “Scabby Abby”?  Ew), and she’s dealing with it, plus she knows she’s totally awesome.  So, that means you’re talking about Robin, and she’s on Team Yak-a-Doodle.  Whatever.  It’s interesting that Mike is telling Holly that she has the numbers.  Does he remember every single person voting against her last week?

I’m spending this conversation looking at her, since they’re talking about how hot she is.  She’s thin, with big boobs.  And she has long, flowy hair.  Beyond that, I have no idea what she looks like, because she’s wearing 11 tons of makeup.  But I don’t think she’s really any better-looking than any of the other women.  She just spends more time on grooming.  And she has to, because unlike the others, she is just a pretty face.  She has nothing else.   She's not smart, she's not funny.

Mike is blathering about God’s plan and suggesting that, if he leaves, God only wanted him there for three weeks.  Holly says something like, “Faith. Focus.”  And Mike says he’s Catholic, too.  What’s up with the Steward Smiley chanting?  I went to Catholic school, and there was no “faith focus” bullshit.  Anyway, Jeffrey wanders in, and the clip ends.