Live Feed - Monday, July 10, Part 1

• Once again, the live feed starts late.  Lovely.  I guess I should be grateful to have a break.
• When it finally starts, Ori asks the players to tell us which player they want back.  
• Mike: He acts like this is a tough decision, but he wants Kevin.  He says, “Kevin’s my bud, I hooked up with him right away.”  Erica cuts in - “Actually, I did that!”  Ha!  I love her.
• Ok, seriously, ABC, instead of adding more feeds, why not make the ones you have work?
• I can’t tell you what Gene said, because the live feed fucked up.  
• When I finally get the feed back, Holly is telling us that she wants Kevin back.  
• Joy feels bad about the way she left things with Ashley.  She says that she wants Kevin back because he’s a strong competitor, he’s nice to look at, he’s a nice guy, etc.  Do none of you realize that Ashley can’t possibly win this thing, but Kevin could?
• The live feed fucks up again while Erica is talking.  I do not have time for this.  I’m going to assume that boring stuff happened, since I don’t know.  Past live feeds suggest that I am right.
• This is fun.  Watch three seconds, wait for it to freeze, switch browsers, repeat.  
• 15 minutes later, I missed that part entirely.  I have no idea who they want back.  I don’t even care anymore.
• It’s 11:23, and the live feed is still not working.  I guess I could pull out my phone, but I don’t want to.
• Gee, thanks!  The commercials still work!  
• When I finally get back, Gene says something about people acting different ways, and showing their true selves?  Whatever.  We hear Joy say that it’s interesting to see how you connect with people that, initially, you wouldn’t think you would get along with.  She says that Stephanie said the same thing, so I guess we missed that, too.
• Stephanie says that her friends before the show can verify that she was talking about how annoying she thought Joy and Erica would be from the videos and bios, and she loves them.
• The players were all in the kitchen, setting up “culinary equipment.”  Ori tells them, twice, that we’re almost ready to start the evening.  They’re having a classy wine and dine night.  Ori sends them all out to the tubes to wait for something.  
• A chef comes up the tubes.  I’m not paying attention, so I don’t know who it is.  Todd something.  He’s going to make cocktails, then a three course meal.  They all help carry ingredients to the kitchen.  
• Ori asks us to on what drinks the players should get.  We have to vote on Strawberry ginger lemonade or watermelon tarragon.  I hate ginger, so I vote for the tarragon.
• Strawberry ginger lemonade with vodka is available, with a virgin version.  That sounds freaking nasty (both of them).
• While the chef is explaining the drink, we’re asked to vote whether Stephanie actively threw the challenge.  I actually don’t think she needed to - her team was way too busy arguing for her to have made any difference.  All she needed to do was stand back and watch them self-destruct.  It’s not like she could have made them listen to her, since they all hate her.
• Todd asks who usually cooks.  Stephanie and Jeffrey says that it’s mostly them, Joy, and Andrea.  Why does Andrea look so annoyed to get credit?  Ori says, “You never cooked for me,” and Steph reminds her that she offered Ori a cocktail.
• Todd says that he knows two people who don’t drink, but he never would have guessed Holly and Andrea.  
• They ask Todd to tell us why he started cooking.  I don’t care, though.  They all toast him.  Ori asks Chef Todd what type of amuse bouche might complement such a delicious drink.  He mentions lobster tail.
• Ori tells them that she needs to address something very serious - some of them are not dressed for such a fancy dinner party.  Stephanie and Joy have been talking about wanting to change, so they’re excited.  Gene’s not sure whether he’s dressed appropriately.  Mike stays sitting at the bar, drinking, in his t-shirt.  He claims that he’s waiting for Holly to change and get back - sounds like they’re sharing a room.  But, see, I see Holly, and she’s in one of the community bedrooms, digging through the closet.
• Mike is hanging out, alone in the kitchen, humming and dancing.  MY EYES!!  I CAN NEVER UNSEE THAT!
• Jeffrey’s black pants are missing.  That’s unfortunate.  Gene apologizes for not having time to iron his outfit.
• I can’t believe I’m losing sleep, watching a bunch of people change into dress clothes - and one guy refuse to do so.
• Erica looks really hot.  Joy’s dress is beautiful, although I worry that she’s going to ruin it dragging it around on the floor like that.  She says she feels like a mermaid in it.  Jeffrey says that his mermaid name is Agatha SeaHagatha.
• They’re all very excited because, apparently, Chef Todd is making them lobster.

                                          

• Ori tells us that the outfits are inspiring many tweets on the message boards.  I’m waiting to see if Ori calls Mike out for refusing to change.  
• While they wander around, getting ready and having the kind of conversations that people have when wandering around getting ready, ABC randomly takes polls that have no impact on the game.
• We see Mike changing.  Thankfully, ABC takes us to the blue screen during the nude bits.  If I had to see Mike’s balls, I would walk away and never look back.  Some things are simply unforgivable, ABC.
• I like Holly’s outfit.  It’s cute.  OMG - I want her shoes!  I love them!  Black stilleto sling-backs!  (OK, they’re not that unusual or exciting, but, really, this is the most interesting moment I’ve had in the past hour.)
• Erica’s lipstick is way too bright.  It actually scares me a little.
• They all gather back in the kitchen to enjoy their appetizers. Gene gives Andrea a hard time for placing herself in front of the food, but she says that Todd actually placed the food in front of her after she was sitting.  
• Todd talks about food.  He likes fresh, clean ingredients, nothing too fancy.  So, why is he at a fancy dinner party?  He tells Joy that he’s been cooking for 20+ years.  What a coincidence!  I’ve been eating for 20+ years!  I suspect we’d get along well.
• Mike finally comes out in a suit, but he’s barefoot.  Baby steps, I guess.
• Ori asks us to vote on appetizers - sea bean salad or heirloom tomato napoleon?  I don’t care.  What the hell is sea bean salad?
• Ori asks Todd to explain the dishes, I guess, while we vote.  The ones he already made or the new ones?  
• He tells us about… stuff I’m not eating.  Whatever.
• They get heirloom tomato Napoleon.  I’m thinking that involves tomatoes and puff pastry, so it sounds good to me.
• While they’re watching Todd cook, Ori tells them another guest is coming.  Someone named Jim comes up for a wine tasting.  
• I love that Dr. Fluffles is attending the party.  I feel like he should be in black tie.
• You know what would be awesome?  If there were a way to watch this on fast-forward.
• The wine tasting starts - they go from lightest white to heaviest red.
• Andrea drinks water and stands around looking pissed.  Do a shot!  Holly smells the wine.
• Stephanie asks Jim to leave any wine they don’t finish.  
• Jim says it’s not pretentious to swirl wine.  That’s good to know, since I do that.  
• Stephanie and Erica invite Todd and Jim to get drunk and crash over.  They must be starved for contact from the outside world.
• Jim seems a little weirded about by Dr. Fluffles.  I can understand that.  Did he just say this wine is “cat pee o’rama”?  I’ve decided not to try to find out what he really said, because that’s funnier.
• Andrea is so bored.  Why is she here?  
• I’m going to go read my mortgage statement, because that is more interesting than this feed.
• Yup.  I still owe a lot.
• Awesome.  Joy is stealing wine out of Holly’s glass.  Why not, if Holly is going to make a big deal about how she doesn’t drink?
• Looks to me like Holly’s drinking.  At the very least, she’s got a glass, is holding it, swirling it, and smelling it.  Andrea now looks furious, especially when Holly offers her some.  She takes the glass and hands it to Erica.  Holly goes to get it back - or so it seems.  She returns without it.
• Mike looks as bored as I feel.
• Ori asks us to vote on which team we support, as Gene wanders into the living room and gives Ori a glass of wine.  That was awesome. 
• Ori chimes and tells them that Jim must leave.  They protest, because they still have a wine left to taste.  Ori tells them they can keep the wine.  Jim explains it briefly, at their request, before he gets kicked out of The Glass House.  Ori tells them to take their seats for dinner.
• As they start to sit down, Ori tells us that the viewers voted on where they would sit.  She reads off pairs to sit across from each other.
• Andrea/Jeffrey
• Erica/Holly
• Joy/Mike
• Gene/Stephanie
• Who voted on these pairings?  They’re bizarre.  
• Ori tells them that we’re voting on bison steak v. lamb chops.  A few of them call for lamb.  If they didn’t win, letting them know it was an option is just mean.  
• Why are they already sitting at the table if the cook doesn’t even know what he’s making yet?  He gives all the details of two dishes, which, again, seems silly.  Why not just wait, find out the answer, and then tell them?
• Bison steak won.  A few of them have never tried it, so they’re excited.  I like bison.  
• The food is instantaneously ready?  Did Chef Todd cook both, then wait for the vote?  That’s a complete waste of food!  There are starving children in Africa!  Maybe they’ll let the staff eat it?
• Erica is excited, since they haven’t had a gourmet meal in weeks, despite the valiant efforts of her housemates.
• Ori orders each of them to raise a toast to the person sitting across from them before they eat.
• Jeffrey says that Andrea is gorgeous, tenacious, and fierce.  He admires her, even though he disagrees with her.
• Andrea respects that Jeffrey can be objective?  This jumped weirdly.  Whatever.
• Stephanie says that Gene is one of the most intelligent men in the house, and she loves that she can talk to him about anything.
• Gene says that Stephanie is beautiful and special, and he appreciates every moment that he spends with her.  That’s an excellent toast.
• Joy says that Mike is hilarious and “charming in his own way.”  She also says that he is passionate and can laugh at himself.  Mike is smiling, in spite of himself, especially when she says that she enjoys doing battle with him.
• Mike says that Joy is one of the best mothers he has ever spoken to, and her daughter is very lucky.  Interesting toast, because it really doesn’t say anything about Joy as a person.
• Holly says that Erica is beautiful and funny, and she’s ready to put the past behind them and move forward.
• Erica says that Holly is beautiful and determined and other stuff I miss because I’m busy voting that, yes, Kevin and Mike did hang Holly out to dry.  I’m glad it backfired on them.
• They eat dinner.  Fascinating stuff, this.  
• We’re asked to vote on whether they should talk about sexiest experience with food or grossest thing they’ve put in their mouths.  I’m not in the mood for verbal food porn, so I vote for gross.  They want to do sexiest, except Stephanie, who hopes her mom is not watching.  I’ll be honest, Steph - I doubt it.  I’m pretty sure only masochists and insomniacs are still watching.  Then again, I don’t know your mom, so I suppose she could be one or the other - or both.  Would a masochistic insomniac take caffeine pills to stay awake longer?  
• I’m sure you don’t believe me, but these random musings are more interesting than live feed.
• There are only 11 minutes left until the halfway point.  That’s good, because I’m tired.
• Sexiest food experience wins.  
• Erica: She and a guy she was seeing “for the night” had vodka watermelon.  Andrea looks pissed.  Drink!  Anyway, Erica and the guy locked themselves in a room and ate the whole thing and had sex.  “Sorry, dad!”  Sweetie, he’s probably not watching, either.
• Mike:  I never saw 9 1/2 weeks, and he’s lying anyway, so whatever.  He claims to have been too grossed out by mixing food with sex to be able to perform.  
• Joy:  Reminds us all of her whipped cream bikini, and mentions her love for Nutella.  Apparently, she tried to put whipped cream on someone else, and she accidentally scraped the pointy-part of the whipped cream against an unfortunate area.  She says that it was sexy, sad, funny.  I think, from her creative pronoun usage, that Joy’s partner was a female for this particular experience.
• Andrea: When she got married, her friends wanted to give her lots and lots of gifts to enhance her sexual experience with her new husband.  They gave her lots of flavored lubes and stuff, but it’s not for them.
• Jeffrey:  Reminds us of the sushi parties where people lie naked wearing nothing but sushi.  I really don’t find that sexy.  Apparently, neither did Jeffrey.  He decided to lie down and cover himself with sushi, but he didn’t think through the logistics.  Oh, no.  He had a roommate at the time, and no one to help him set it up.  When he finally figured it out, he called his boyfriend… but he had to finish setting up, go outside, and pretend to find him.  That’s funny.  
• Stephanie: She thought it would be a good idea to make her man his perfect meal, give him a drink, park him in front of the TV, and then “service” him.  The food was quickly forgotten.  I’m not surprised.
• Holly: Holly has never had a sexy food experience, but she hopes to, once she’s married.  Her sexiest to date was being hit in the face with a pie by a clown.  That moment was good for me, too, Holly.
• Gene: He’s been celibate for a very long time, so his experience was many years ago.  He liked a girl who parked in the same spot every day, so he grabbed Hershey’s kisses, and lined them from her parking space into her apartment, to the bathroom, where he left a note with a bikini and chocolate syrup.  Joy looks pretty excited by the story.  Hmmm… she apparently thought it was a good idea to dump the entire bottle of chocolate syrup on herself, instead of drizzling it, and it took about two hours to lick it off.  That was by far the best story.

                                                                 

• Gene says that Stephanie is the best date.  Joy makes Mike say that she's a good date, too.
• Ori tells us that Chef Todd is still cooking the main course, so I don't know what they were eating.  I assure you, I don't care.
• Ori then tells them that she wants private moments, so she's going to call them one-by-one into the confessional.
• And…. we’re halfway through.  I get to stop!  Woo-hoo!