The season starts with ABC reminding us of Kevin’s douche-baggery last week. Thanks, ABC. I was nearly over that. I see puppies!!! OK, wait. That’s coming up later. The episode starts with Jeffrey walking down the hall, crying. He’s very upset that Erica was sent to limbo. Cut to Mike and Kevin calling Jeffrey a “fucking baby,” for crying. Isn’t this the group of people who won’t shut the fuck up about people in the house name calling and bullying? Oh, ye in Glass Houses…. are douches.
Jeffrey is very emotional, because the Prop. 8 issue is very sensitive, and he’s saying that the problem is, everyone wants to support the nice, privileged white lady because she’s such a nice lady, and no one wants to stand up for the minority. Andrea is pissed that she got four votes because of her religion and her beliefs. She actually didn’t. She got four votes for using those beliefs to try to keep other people down. She’s the one who was saying that it’s OK to be gay, but not to act gay. She doesn’t understand that it’s OK to believe something, but not to force others to believe it? Hypo-crite. Bitch.
Cut to Joy talking about how Kevin is such a jerk for voting against Erica. Oh, here are Kevin and Mike again, talking about how they’re taking the high road by not calling the other players names. Names like baby? Crybaby? Banana-brain? Scientist as an insult? Now, Ashley is telling Mike that Erica told her that it was more than a kiss. In the confessional, Kevin is upset that Joy is attacking his character. She’s actually acting his actions, which were jack-assy actions. He goes to find Joy and drags her away to have a “talk.” He’s already yelling about personal attacks. He tells her that he had to make a decision, and asks if should never vote against other women? She tells him that he should just limit himself to not making out with someone one day and voting them out the next. He swears it wasn’t malicious and throws back, “Sorry that you’re crying.”
The next morning, Gene tells us that his heart is with his friends today, because it’s the one year anniversary of his best friend’s death. Poor guy. We see him talking to Joy about it. He’s crying. If he keeps talking about his friend, I’m going to cry, too. They hug.
Oh, god. They’re showing a commercial for the live feeds. My eyes are bleeding. Why does ABC hate me?
Now, we see Mike bitching about Joy calling him out on the live feed. He thinks she’s using Gene to get ahead in the show, and she’s going to burn him. He says that, if she really liked him, she would hold his hand, kiss him, etc. She was offended, because she thought it came across as him thinking that Joy isn’t really interested in him. Mike doesn’t see it, so obviously she must not be attracted to him. He starts screaming about racism. She asked if it was so hard to believe that the small, Playboy model could like the 6’7” black guy. They immediately jumped to her calling them racist, which I don’t think is really the issue.
We see, shockingly, that Andrea and Jeffrey are in the Enemies room. She refused to sleep with him, because he’s not her husband. Jeffrey: “I fully support THOSE beliefs.” Ha! He’s very excited to have the bed to himself. Kevin and Mike are in the Friends room, and they’re pretty excited by it.
They’re all discussing who is coming back. Kevin, Andrea, and Mike are determined to be the final three. I am determined to ensure that does not happen. We see Kevin, again, saying that he hopes it’s Robin, because he needs her on his side Not because he likes her, again, but because she’ll vote the way they want her to. Robin and Erica come up the tubes, and we go to commercial.
We return, the lights go out, and Robin goes down the tubes. Erica takes a deep breath, sighs, and says, “Please tell me someone saved me some booze.” I love her. She looks awesome in that green dress, also. Cut to Mike and Kevin looking pissed, and Kevin saying that he wants a drink. Damn, I want that dress. I’d also like Erica’s boobs. And her ass. Erica and Jeffrey hug and celebrate that she’s back. Joy tells Erica that she went around and told everyone what a jerk he is, and she seems very happy. In the other room, Mike asks Kevin if Erica said anything to him when she came back. Apparently, she wouldn’t even look at him. I don’t blame her.
In the bedroom, Andrea is telling Holly that they were too cocky, way too soon, and that she has to try to play the other side to get their support. She realized that the viewers didn’t like their alliance. Holly says they should have tried to play nice while Erica was gone. Yes, they should have.
Fanswers! Delivered by puppies!!! I want a puppy!! Each puppy has a collar with a player’s name on one side and the answer on the other. Holly hates dogs. She is evil. Go away, Holly! Only child molesters and communists hate puppies! They mess up her make-up! (Yes, she said that.) Andrea was told to remain true to her alliance. Mike was told that he does not have more fan support than Stephanie. He seems upset, but he has said since the beginning that she’s the one to vote. Gene is told that the viewers see him more as a hero that they like and respect. As the puppies leave, Steph asks to trade a puppy for Holly or Mike, but she worries that the puppy would get more votes.
Ori announces the Team Captains. Erica is immune. The team captains this week are Ashley and Holly. HAHAHAHAHA. The viewers hate Ashley. That’s so hilarious. She’s been Team Captain every week that the viewers voted. Kevin is upset, because someone on his team is guaranteed to go into limbo. Interesting - I’m really happy, for the same reason. Huh. In the kitchen, Erica tells us that The Glass House is like high school, only older and wiser, with more apathy. I heart her. Stephanie is excited to see the that viewers dislike Holly and Ashley, because she’s the opposite of them.
Ashley is in her room, crying. She’s really upset to be in the bottom every week. Now I feel a little bad for laughing at her. Ok, I’m better. She’s looking at pictures of her family and talking about being strong. Gene comes in to comfort her. In the confessional, Ashley goes on and on about… how this is just like Hurricane Katrina? I’m not sure the other survivors would agree that being on national television, having all of your expenses paid, and competing for a huge cash prize is just like losing everything. Gene tells her that, unlike some of the others, Ashley can go home with her head held high and know that she was the best person she could be. I like Gene more and more. Commercial break.
In the bedroom, Kevin, Holly, Andrea, and Ashley are bitching about how this is the “worst case scenario.” Ashley suggests putting them all on one team, thus forcing one of them into limbo, and making them all turn against each other. She makes this brilliant suggestion, but she thinks that, if her team loses, she’s gone. I’m starting to wonder if Ashley is secretly diabolical, because she just guaranteed herself another week in the house. They tell Holly to take all of the players from the other team, except Stephanie, and then lose the challenge. I assume that they’re taking Stephanie either because she’s the smartest, or because they don’t think Holly could beat her in limbo. So…. that tweet Holly sent about not forcing challenges? A lie! I thought she was done lying? Cut to Mike and Kevin talking about how Holly is their sacrificial lamb. Mike tells us that he doesn’t think Stephanie has the balls to throw a challenge, which may be another reason they kept her on their team. Mike and Kevin tell Stephanie not to speak, unless spoken to. What a jackass.
The challenge is to transfer balls across the arena, balancing them on discs. Then, they have to dump the ball into a triangle. The first team to get three in wins. In case you missed it, Team Ashley is Kevin, Andrea, Mike, and Stephanie. They’re all arguing over what to do at the same time. Stephanie doesn’t know who to listen to, because everyone is shouting. She tries to suggest that one person give directions to the entire team, and they completely ignore her. Cut to Steph in the confessional, practically crying, because everyone blamed her for the loss. Dammit, Jim, she’s a scientist, not an athlete. She did drop one, but she’s not the only one. In the confessional, she tells us that she did not go out of her way to help the team communicate better, because she’s safe either way. She’s not terribly concerned that her team might lose. In case anyone was wondering, Stephanie is far smarter than everyone on Team Wackadoodle. Cut to Team Holly: Gene, Jeffrey, Joy, and Erica. The thing is, Holly is in the middle, which makes it difficult for her to throw the challenge - at least as effectively as Stephanie did by moving one side or the other. In the confessional, Holly acts like she isn’t intentionally throwing the challenge. I guess she thinks maybe ABC didn’t show us that part. I can’t believe she doesn’t see that her team completely threw her under the bus. After they’re done, poor Jeffrey falls down. The disc they were carrying was really heavy, and he’s apparently not as strong as people might think he is. Team Holly completed the challenge in 5:36 minutes. Commercial (of course).
Team Holly won! Team Ashley took 7:57 minutes. In the confessional, Holly sends out a big “suck it” to everyone who underestimated her. Does she remember that she was supposed to lose? Erica gives Holly props. In the bedroom, Mike is convinced he’ll be going into limbo. I wish I could send him and Kevin.
In the other room, Stephanie tells them that, before the challenge, Mike told her to “Shut the fuck up” when discussing the challenge before it started. See? She was following directions! Jeffrey says that they shouldn’t send Mike into limbo, because then he can’t be team captain next week. He wants to send Kevin. Erica sings, “It’s super fun! instant karma!!” Once again, it comes down to Gene’s vote. We cut back to the other team, talking about Gene. Gene tells them that he’s still thinking about it, and isn’t going to decide way ahead of time.
Everyone on Team Awesome votes for Kevin. Andrea votes for Stephanie, of course. Gene is a smart guy - it would be stupid of him not to vote for Kevin. Stephanie gets four votes. Shocking - Andrea, Kevin, Holly, and Mike all voted for her. We go to commercial with a tied vote at four each for Steph and Kevin, with one vote remaining. After the break, it’s Kevin. YAYAYAY! Kevin and Ashley head to limbo as the episode ends. I rejoice.
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