Episode 2 starts by reintroducing us to the players and reminding us of Alex’s douche-baggery. Thanks, ABC. I had finally managed to block it. I love that they keep showing Stephanie’s shocked face over and over as Alex is being… well… Alex.
We see the players talking about how glad they are that he’s gone, and Joy says that, if Alex is back, she’ll refuse to speak to him. She’s worried that she’ll have a nervous breakdown thinking about it. You know, if Sweetie, if your nerves are so fragile, perhaps reality TV is not for you. Or you should carry smelling salts. Everyone thinks that Alex’s friends and family would be shocked to discover that he’s a douche. PSST - I bet they already know. Joy tells Gene says that she’ll leave if Alex comes back. Erica talks about what an asshole Alex is, and Joy starts crying again. This is really bizarre, because I’ve already seen the live feeds and everything, so… huh. Ah, well. Ori tells them (again) that someone quit after being sent to limbo. Then, we get treated to the same conversations we saw on the live feeds. Wow, thanks, ABC. Don’t show them talking about any of the topics we sent, don’t show anything we voted on or asked to see, but show us exactly what we saw on the live feed last week. I’m seriously going to boycott ABC after this show ends.
Cut to the hot tub, with Kevin making fun of Alex and doing an impression that, really, is not very good. Kevin’s getting a very good edit. I think the producers like him. Cut again to the living room. The players are called to see if Alex returns. He slowly comes up the tube with a shit-eating grin on his face. Everyone looks pissed. We see Stephanie’s OH MY GOD face again, and it fades to commercial. When we return from break, Alex is taken back down the tube. He looks surprised, and it’s hilarious. The players rejoice.
Kevin talks about how Alex must be a complete jackass if no one wanted him back, despite the fact that he was going up against no one. Kevin then pulls Mike aside, and they try to figure out who voted for Erica last week, because that person went against the team, and they want that person out. They know Apollo voted for Ashley because of the card bullshit, and they know that Alex clearly voted for someone other than himself. Jeffrey asks Holly, and she says that she voted for Alex. She’s clearly lying. Then, she tells us in an interview that she thought it was horrible gameplay for everyone to vote for Alex. Then she shoots herself in the foot by telling Erica it was her. Erica says, “That was the dumbest thing you could have done.” No, telling her was the dumbest thing you could have done, Holly. Holly then has the nerve to get mad at Erica for being upset that she voted against her and lied about it. Erica flat-out tells Holly that she intends to vote against her.
Cut to the living room. It’s all dark, and Robin and Erica are huddled on the couches, talking about Holly. Robin says that Holly is interesting, but there was no reason to lie about being an art history major, because she didn’t know who painted the “Sixteenth Chapel.” HAHAHA. Oh, that’s beautiful. These are ironic tears of hysterical laughter. They confront her and insist that she name her favorite artist. Holly breaks down and says that she was actually a psych major. They ask her to name someone that she wrote a paper on, and she couldn’t. Robin cuts her a break and asks her to name any psychologist that she studied. “Dr. Phil.” *face palm*. I can name better psychologists than Dr. Phil, and I majored in Humanities.
The next morning, Kevin and Mike are plotting strategy when Apollo comes in and asks if they’re having a private conversation. Mike tells Apollo that he would be on their team, except for his dumb-ass “pick a card” strategy. They want him in their alliance, but want a better strategy. I cement my resolve to vote against Apollo if he’s ever sent to limbo.
The players are called into the living room to see who has the least votes and will be team captain. I suspect the order doesn’t mean anything as far as how many votes each of them actually has, but here it is: Gene, Stephanie, Joy, Jeffrey, Mike, Erica, Andrea, Robin, Kevin, Holly vanish, leaving Apollo and Ashley. HA! Guess it isn’t all about having the most followers on Twitter! We’re 24 minutes in, and nothing has happened yet. How is this possible? Anyway, I’m not sure whether the order their pictures were removed means anything, because Kevin is so popular. Holly started crying. Whatever, Holly. Apollo tells us that he’s in the bottom because the tiny-minded viewers don’t understand his intellectual game. Thanks, Apollo. He correctly points out that he won’t get either the looks vote or the funny vote. He tells Gene that part of him wants people on his team that he can definitely beat if he’s in limbo. He basically decides that he wants Holly because he’s sure that he can beat her. They gather to pick their teams, and we find out that Ashley got more votes, so she goes first. She winds up with Kevin, Stephanie, Joy, Andrea, Jeffrey, and Apollo gets Holly, Gene, Mike, Erica, Robin. I now understand most of what happened on Twitter earlier in the week.
Apollo’s team meeting. Apollo starts whining, because everyone stopped talking when he entered the kitchen earlier. Gene said that it was just the end of the conversation, and Apollo calls him a liar.
Ori explains the game. They enter an “arena” for the “Ruffle Your Tail Feathers” challenge. They’re supposed to hang in the air, trying to put footballs disguised as eggs into birdhouses. Each birdhouse house a burden on it “chosen” by the viewers (Ori doesn’t tell them that we had two shitty options and were forced to pick the one that was less lame). Each egg has a name on it, and wherever your egg lands, that’s what you have to do. The good news is, no one will miss anything interesting while blowing up 500 balloons. The losing team will actually have to do these things, but the winning team apparently will not. They’re flying birds and stuff to make this happen. Ashley let Kevin take charge, because he’s the athletic one. Stephanie is on a pedestal, throwing eggs to people in this twirly bird things, who throw them in the birdhouses. Kevin is doing the throwing, and he’s just catching the eggs and chucking them wherever he can. He’s correct that it’s more important to get the eggs in than worry about where they’re going. One of the birdhouses has $1,000 written on it, so Steph asks Kevin to throw Ashley’s egg in there for her birthday. Damn! $1,000 for your birthday?
Cut to Apollo’s team. Apollo, hanging in the air, tells us that he’s afraid of heights. Gene tells us that, being a stuntman, he’s used to hanging in the air. That seems like an advantage in something like this. Gene makes a completely wussy, half-hearted attempt, and doesn’t get anywhere near the first birdhouse. Holly sends him another ball (remember that she used to coach basketball? I’m guessing she can throw), and Gene bobbles it before dropping it. I can clearly see why everyone on Twitter thought he threw the challenge. Erica is confused, because she doesn’t think it’s as hard as Gene is making it look. Gene misses every ball thrown at him, except for a couple of awful throws he sends at Mike. Apollo and Mike can’t believe what a shitty job Gene’s doing. As Mike points out, he’s a stuntman. He should be able to handle this challenge. Everyone else can do it. We go to commercial on yet another shot of Gene mishandling the ball.
Watching this is actually painful. Erica wins $1,000. She’s my favorite person on that team, so I’m happy. Weird how, after about five minutes, Gene starts doing really well. He’s suddenly catching everything and throwing it perfectly. After the challenge, he talks about feeling bad about his mistakes, but they played well. Liar. Ori tells us that they took just under 6 minutes, and Team Ashley did it in 3:48. Ashley is very happy. Who can blame her? Apollo is less happy to be informed he’s going to limbo. We go the bedroom, where Apollo is telling Erica that he thinks Gene threw the challenge. Erica thinks that Apollo is “grasping at straws” and he “looks desperate.” I think he looks correct. Erica asks Gene if he threw the game. His “not at all” is so very calm that it’s almost as if he practiced it. He talks about how he’s upset, but he doesn’t even feign surprise that someone would mention it. Apollo correctly notes that Gene fumbled really easy passes, and Gene tries to use the fact that he made some difficult passes to prove that he was really trying.
We go back into the living room, where Ori is telling them all which “burdens” they have to do. As Stephanie is explaining them all, we see her pick up a crate of oranges and walk straight into the glass wall with it. OUCH! Kevin has to transfer packing peanuts around 1X1. Andrea has to blow up 500 ballons, and Jeffrey has to peel 500 hard boiled eggs. I hope he likes egg salad. He puts on a shawl, and glasses, and scarf. Awesome. I love Jeffrey.
Cut to Andrea blowing up balloons. Gene calls a “house meeting” to address the disparagement to his character that occurred when Apollo spoke the truth. Apollo tells everyone that there was six dropped balls, and Gene was involved in 100% of them. Then, he points out that all of Gene’s friends are on the other team. Holly is glad they’re fighting, because she’s hoping it means Gene will go into limbo instead. Apollo actually says that he doesn’t blame Gene for doing it. Joy tells him that he’s paranoid. Andrea can’t talk, because she’s still blowing up balloons. Mike also thinks Gene threw it, although he won’t really say it. Gene then refuses to discuss it and storms out. Weird.
Ori reveals the answers to the questions. The viewers told Holly that they’d vote her back if she went to limbo, but I think they lied just like I did. Especially since, at the time we voted, there was no way to even guess who she would be up against. Stephanie is told to be open with her personal stories. Apollo doesn’t get his question 100% right, but Stephanie’s name flashes, and he’s told to change his strategy (he said to answer “Stephanie” if you wanted him to change his strategy and “Gene” if you didn’t). We miss the rest of the answers, but most of them aren’t that interesting.
Gene and Andrea see Ashley talking to Holly through the glass. They can’t hear anything, so they make up their own conversation. Gene: “I don’t understand why everyone hates me because I’m so pretty.” Andrea: “It’s because you lied, dumbass. You’re pretty, but there’s more than that.” Gene: “No! I’m so skinny! If I go to limbo, I will win, because my boobs are huge.” Jeffrey chimes in: “Do you think this shirt is too small?” This is by far the highlight of the first two episodes. Then we see Ashley tell Holly that she’s beautiful, which is hilarious, in the context.
Erica votes for Holly, Holly votes for Erica again. You just lost my vote, Holly. We see Gene vote for Holly as well, but we don’t see most of the others. We see that everyone but Holly voted for Holly. The show ends as Holly and Apollo head to limbo, and I set up to recap the crappy live feeds. Apollo promises a strategy if he comes back. Holly says she’ll give us support and love if we vote to bring her back. How does that work, exactly? Then, we see clips of everyone crying from next week. Huh.
…. We don’t see them talking about any of the hot topics we submitted, answering any of the questions we submitted, or, really, being all that interesting. There's a tiny bit of drama about how Gene threw the game to get Holly out, and even that isn't interesting because (a) it's so obvious and (b) not even Apollo votes to send him to limbo because of it. *yawn*
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