We start with a recap of the last two weeks. We know what happened. Dude, it’s only been two weeks and we’re smarter than Holly, so it’s really not necessary. Anyway, we start with Erica telling us in the confessional that she doesn’t think Apollo will be back. Jeffrey doesn’t care if either of them comes back.. Kevin wants Holly back. He’s telling Mike that all the people who aren’t in their group will turn on each other. Then, we see Kevin, Mike and Andrea discussing how they will be the “trifecta” and that no one should know they’re a super-alliance.
Cut to the living room. Gene asks them to talk about their best relationship and why it ended. Andrea mentions that she had a wonderful, four-year relationship before her husband, but she doesn’t say much else. That’s probably good, because it would be really weird for her to sit there and talk about how her “best” relationship was not with the husband she gushes about constantly and to whom she is currently married. Steph tells us that she married the man of her dreams, and they moved to Germany to have a fabulous life together. One morning, he woke up, and he wasn’t feeling well. She took him the hospital, just as a precaution - and he died. It’s a horrible story. She’s sobbing, Erica is sobbing, I’m sobbing (and I read it online weeks ago). They were together just about three years, and they had just started talking about starting a family. As everyone is staring, open-mouthed, not knowing what to say, Robin starts to tell a story about having a knife to her neck, and Erica tells her, basically, to shut up and not try to overshadow Stephanie’s very moving, personal, tragic story, with her made-up bullshit (Ok, Erica didn’t say that last part, because she’s more sensitive than I am). Cut to Robin confronting Erica in the bathroom, saying that she wanted to empathize with Stephanie, not overshadow her. I’m not sure how “My ex tried to kill me,” is similar to “the love of my life died overnight from an unexpected illness.” They’re fighting about how Robin always makes it about her. Well, see… Steph told a very personal story that had everyone in my room in tears. Robin talks about someone trying to kill her. Robin then starts a fight with Erica about it. And…. she’s not trying to make it about her? WTF? Because, what I see is that Robin is now the center of attention and everyone has stopped talking about Stephanie. Bravo, Robin. Way to not make it about you. Cut to Robin in one of the bedrooms telling Mike that she’s crazy. I believe it. She’s doing this pendulum of crazy, swinging her arm back and forth with every syllable. “I’m. not. this. per. son. and. I. can. not. do. it. any. more.” Mike says he’ll pray for her, then runs off to tell Kevin that she’s fucking losing it. He starts doing the pendulum of crazy, too, but it’s OK, because he’s just showing Kevin how fucking nuts Robin has become.
Cut to the middle of the night. Robin is scrubbing the floors, crying about how tired she is. GO TO SLEEP! STOP SCRUBBING THE FLOORS! The clock keeps ticking. At 5:00 am, she’s still sobbing and cleaning, talking about how she’s acting crazy. If you know it, you can at least try to control it. Or maybe lay in bed instead of staying up all night scrubbing floors.
This is very confusing, because I’m not clear on if this is the next morning or what. It seems like it’s right after Stephanie told her story. The editing on this show really is awful. Andrea, Mike, and Kevin are bitching that Stephanie has an awesome story, and it’s not fair that she’s going to win the game because her husband died. What the fuck? Kevin says that the only way to beat her story is to tell about losing a child. Kevin, you’re dead to me. I appreciate, though, them all thinking that the viewers are too stupid to know how to vote, so they need to just choose the person with the saddest story. I guarantee, I will never vote for either of them, so if these are the last two, I’m shutting off the TV. Although, I would be happy if they just took their own advice and packed up and went home. Stephanie now has a target on her back as the one to beat, apparently.
In the living room, Holly and Apollo come up the tubes, and we go to commercial. Holly is crossing herself. Apollo goes down the tubes. We discover that Erica was in the Friends room with Holly (who she hates) last week, and she she’s in the Enemies room with Jeffrey (who she loves) this week. We are confusing Erica, people. At least we’re accomplishing something. Gene and Mike are in the friends room. Interesting.
Back in the kitchen, Stephanie and Joy eating cake. Cake fight! Joy smears cake on Gene’s face. In the confessional, she tells us that Gene is a sweetheart and any woman who “lands” him is a lucky lady. It’s not 1950, Joy. You’re both lucky. Gene tell us that Joy is awesome and fun. Peeking in the shower! Anyway, he’s excited about the showmance. Gene tells Jeffrey that he wants to marry J, even though she tried to make out with Steph the night before, apparently. Why don’t we get to watch that? Joy tells Gene that she likes girls and boys. At the end of the night, Joy tells Gene to have fun cuddling with Mike. Gene, “That’s not who I want to cuddle with.”
Team Captain time! It looks Holly is immune, because she was in limbo. I’d wondered about that, and it actually makes sense. It’s disappointing, tough, because it means that we’re stuck with her for another week. When the team captains get down to Ashley, Robin, and Andrea, Ashley and Robin hold hands and say, “I love you.” *gag* At least this time, Andrea has a reason for looking pissed (I’m starting to think that’s just her natural expression). Erica tells us that Ashley is really boring, and Robin is insane, so there are some very perceptive viewers. So, we’re perceptive, but she doesn’t understand us. Sounds like Erica would get along well with everyone I have ever met - people constantly tell me the same thing. Oh, how I heart you, Erica.
Kevin, Mike & Robin, telling Holly that Stephanie, Erica, Jeffrey, and Joy spent the entire time Holly was gone making fun of her. They’re clearly desperate to have her on their team. She’s understandably upset. Ok, maybe that video was a little mean, but Holly really is painfully stupid. And she makes it worse by acting like she’s some kind of mastermind and telling them all how smart she is. They gather in the living room , and we find out that they’re wearing mittens instead of earmuffs for 24 hours. Andrea is so excited, because she can kill flies. Why are there flies in the Glass House? Jeffrey tells us that his favorite part of the Bible is “thou shalt not kill.” It’s funny. She starts bitching in the confessional about Jeffrey’s prejudgments against her. WHAT THE FUCK? He’s judging her because she actually took part in a movement to suppress his civil rights. I will say, though, that I thought the “Thou shalt not kill” thing was a joke, not a judgment. It was supposed to be funny. I like Jeffrey, but I worry he’s making a target of himself by making the whole game about politics. I don’t want him to get sent home (especially not before Andrea).
We move into the bedroom, where Andrea is talking to Joy, Erica, and Ashley. Jeffrey walks into the room and Andrea tells him that, while people are born gay, they choose to act on gay tendencies. Erica tells her that it’s like saying that people choose whether to eat. She just keeps digging herself into a bigger and bigger hole. She talks about separate but equal. Jeffrey goes off, in the same awesome way he did in the video. I might feel sorry for Andrea, except she’s a complete fucking hypocrite, and she brought this upon herself by insisting on talking about something where she’s completely, 100% wrong. We again see Andrea bitch that Jeffrey is personally attacking her, and he tells her off. Andrea is now crying about Jeffrey disrespecting her. FUCK YOU, ANDREA. Ashley tells her that Jesus was persecuted and she should… blah, blah, blah. Shut up, Ashley. Ten bucks says you’re Team Captain again next week. They hug. I’m not really sure why Joy’s in on this conversation, but they hug, too (she’s just sitting there, not actually talking). We head out to commercial again. Wow. Half over, and we don’t even know what the challenge is yet. Interesting.
When we return, everyone is drinking in the kitchen. They are hammered. Kevin tells Erica that she’s perfect and delicious. Wow. I make out with the guy who tells me things like that. She tells him that he’s cute in that “jarhead, Midwestern home grown boy sort of way.” Ha! They start snuggling on the couch, and Mike glares at them. Kevin says everyone else is just jealous because they found love in The Glass House. He is freaking hammered. Erica tells us, in confession, that she’s like a 7, and Kevin is totally slumming it, because he could have a 9 (cut to Joy) so she’s going to take advantage. At the end of the night, Erica calls Kevin into her room. It appears that he passes out while they’re kissing, but Erica starts laughing. They’re having a good time. The next morning, she tells us all that it was a little weird. She’s not trying to get a boyfriend out of this, but there’s nothing wrong with having a good time. Kevin basically tells everyone that they got drunk and made out, which bugs the crap out of me. Way to be discrete, jackass. Anyway, Jeffrey’s faces throughout this part are hilarious. It’s like he can’t believe that Kevin is bragging, on national television, about getting drunk and making out with some chick he doesn’t care about at all. I actually can’t believe it, either. He looks like a complete jackass (he will look worse in about 10 minutes).
Move to the challenge. Robin tells us that she picked her team to win: Jeffrey, Stephanie, Erica, Andrea, and Kevin. It was all about strategy and, unlike Apollo, not about people she could beat if she wound up in limbo. That’s unfortunate, because I think the only person she could beat in limbo would have been Andrea (and I hope I’m right). Ashley reminds us how The Glass House is played, because she apparently thinks we don’t understand how limbo works. Oh, well, maybe she’s explaining it to Holly. Her team is Holly, Gene, Mike, Kevin. This is actually really annoying, because we don’t get to see them pick teams, and it all goes by so fast that I have to watch like three times to even figure out who the teams are. Anyway, it’s unfortunate that Robin used logic and reasoning to pick her team, because the challenge is completely random, there’s no way to strategize, plan, guess, or whatever. It’s really weird. It’s also annoying, because no one actually really explains the game to the viewers, so I mostly have no idea what’s going on. Apparently, they’re doing all the things we voted on last week. Apparently, each team captain picks someone from the other team to do stuff, but they only get points if they correctly guess what the viewers voted for. So, they don’t have to do the things well, or quickly, or… really, at all, as far as I can tell. They just need to guess well.
Ashley picks Erica to bob for fried chicken in gravy. Robin sends Gene to mix tuna salad with his feet. I refuse to look. Joy licks whipped cream off something….. Andrea gets a facial with peanut butter. Jeffrey is throwing marshmallows at her. He eats one. Awesome. You know what would be even better? If they had explained this game. Ori fails to tell them that the viewers did not, in fact, actually want to watch people do any of these things. Anyway, Ashley correctly guesses that the viewers chose to watch her throw french toast covered in maple syrup at Gene, so she wins. This is a stupid challenge. It doesn’t make any sense. Seriously, the best guesser won. Ori informs Robin that she’ll be going to limbo, along with one of her housemates. Erica looks stricken. I send a quick prayer that it will be Andrea. It is neither the first nor the last of my prayers to be ignored. No wonder I’m not religious.
Erica and Stephanie are voting for Andrea. Jeffrey asks Joy and Gene to vote for Andrea as a symbolic gesture, because he knows that everyone else is voting for Erica. Jeffrey also tells Gene that, if Andrea comes back, America has spoken, and it becomes a personal issue. Joy tells us that it’s not about politics, it’s about the game. She and Gene are talking about not wanting to form an alliance. Gene is the swing vote. We learn that the losing team captain only votes if it’s a tie. Kevin joins Robin and Mike in the room, and starts bitching about Jeffrey wanting Andrea out. There are lots of reasons to hate Andrea, to be fair. Kevin says that he’s worried he’ll be branded homophobic if he doesn’t let the gay man win. No, Kevin, you’ll be branded as homophobic because you’re siding with the well-established bigot, and you won’t stop talking about how awesome she is (apparently, that’s OK, even though she’s married). I do kinda get what they’re saying about not wanting it to be political - but they completely made it political during Week 1 when they all took a stand against bullying and told us that, if Alex came back, it meant that America loved bullies. So, it’s OK to be political and take a stand against someone who has no friends in the house, but not against the “privileged white lady” who votes against the rights of less privileged people. Got it.
Stephanie walks into a bedroom holding a pair of pants that she found in the laundry (I think - maybe the bathroom), with wall to wall words written inside on the pockets. She learns that they’re Robin’s pants, and they all sit around reading the lines. In confessional, Stephanie tells us that she’s not clear if these are planned tweets, notes for the game, or… something completely different. She has no idea what these are. “I understand how the Kennedys feel... It’s so large, every time it lands, it’s like a poltergeist.” They all agree that Robin is losing her marbles. I personally did not see any tweets that said any of those things. We cut to commercial wondering what the hell is going on in Robin’s head. Some of us don’t want to know.
We’re back in the living room, and Ori tells the players they get a reward. Really? With ten minutes left, and everything that’s been going on, two people from the Bachelor/ette show up? They’re giving the #Fanswers, but I guess they don’t know the questions either. Holly: Do you want me to stay? No. She looks annoyed. Haha. Unfortunately, she’s back, so either America lied, or they just hate Apollo even more than they hate her. Gene: Should I join a pack? Yes. Andrea: Do you want to see alliances and game play starting? Yes.
It’s night again, and we see Erica and Kevin. She’s asking Kevin not to vote for her, and he tells her that he’s planning to vote for her. She asks if it’s because he likes Andrea better. Yes, he does. After a very long and awkward pause, he lies and acts like it has to do with everyone else being out to get her. Erica tells him that it’s not so much about her politics, as whether she can separate the game from who she is. Erica thinks Andrea is a liar who will turn on him. Kevin flat-out tells Erica that he’s voting for her, he’s already made up his mind. Grrrrrrrrr………. I don’t think he’ll be getting any more smoochies. Also, I don’t really think it’s just the editing here that makes Kevin look like a terrible human being. We know from Twitter that there was a “secret showmance” going on last week, on Thursday or Friday (Thanks, Gene!) Take a look - it's not like the making out happened on Day 1.
The voting for limbo takes place on Friday. So, Kevin really did get drunk, make out with Erica, then turn around and vote her into limbo. I know that it’s not like they made lifelong promises, but it’s still a douchebag move. At the very least, he could have voted for someone other than Erica or Andrea (but he wouldn’t, because he knows that mean Andrea would be in limbo).
We see them voting. Some, like Holly, use really lame and bizarre hand gestures. She acts like she’s drop kicking the stone. I hope she’ll fall over, but she doesn’t. Anyway, Ori shows us the votes in an excruciatingly slow manner, and goes to commercial when it’s 4-4 with Erica and Andrea. After the final two votes, it’s a tie! That actually sucks, because in the event of a tie, the losing Team Captain gets to vote. Robin takes about a third of a second to act like it’s a tough decision, but she picks Erica. No one is fooled into thinking that she actually had to consider it. The credits roll as Robin and Erica go down into limbo. I want to smack the look off Andrea’s face. God, I hate her.
The credits for next week are awesome, though, as Jeffrey cries for Kevin taking Andrea’s side, and Joy tells Kevin that he’s a fucking douche for making out with Erica one night, then voting her into limbo the next day. I heart Joy.
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