Why does ABC feel the need to open every episode by explaining the house and how the game works? They aren’t pulling in any new viewers at this point, and we all know how it works. It’s not like there isn’t enough footage to fill the hour. They pretend to create suspense by talking about who is coming back, as if we don’t all know that Jeffrey sent Mike home on Tuesday. As they show the replay, I wonder if Mike still thinks it’s not his fault that he messed up the challenge.
We start with Kevin talking about how Jeffrey deserves to go home, and so do all of his friends who voted against him. On the other hand, Andrea jumps up and down, cheering. Andrea is incredibly smug, because she knows that ABC has rigged this whole thing so that she should win and there’s no way she’s in the bottom.
The next morning, they all gather in the living room as Ori tells them they have to dress as thrift store hipsters for the next 24 hours. Erica tells us that “hipster” means wearing really ugly clothes in an ironic way. Stephanie tells Kevin that he’s way hotter as a hipster than in his regular clothes. This moves so fast, it’s so weird. We learn that they’re having a date night - Andrea is inexplicably the chef, Erica is the water, Joy is busing tables, Gene and Kevin are actually on the date, and Stephanie is the soux chef. Erica says that you can tell, based on the voting, what the viewers think of people. She’s right, and that’s the only reason this isn’t 100% ridiculous. I’m still mad that ABC screwed up the voting and went with the two highest votes, total, and not the highest couple vote count. We skip the date entirely, so I don’t know why they even bothered showing
Later, they’re all chatting. Kevin used to do undercover work? Good thing that’s over. Anyway, he tries trash-talking Gene, and Gene tells us that his #Fanswers support everything he’s doing. Andrea is a giant lying pot calling the kettle black. Joy walks in and tells it how it is. “Gene is overly confident and you’re manipulative.” Andrea freaks out and starts screaming. She’s crying about people attacking her character and calling her manipulative. Stephanie and Joy called her out for some of her lies. Andrea waves her arm and screams, “Roll the tapes!” The tapes show exactly what Gene, Joy, and Stephanie said they did. That’s awesome. She starts screaming at them. “People! Get your conversations straight!!!!” They roll the tape, showing that she said exactly what they all said she did. She then says, “Wait. Let me clarify.” Nice back-pedaling, liar. It turns into a huge discussion over Jeffrey going into limbo. Andrea and Kevin call them all assholes, because they have no idea what strategy is. Commercial. *phew* I need a drink - did I mention it’s only 8 am?
ABC shows us clips from the live feed, as if we didn’t suffer enough the first time. Ok, apparently, we’re back to the show, but it’s that stupid pirate/parrot conversation where Erica says that she trusts Kevin more than Gene and that Joy is only around because of her relationship with Gene. Guess I get a short typing break. Back in the living room, Erica asks Andrea if she regrets getting married so early and having kids. I guess she had two men fighting over her. Why?? She chose because she loved her husband’s family more and saw herself fitting in? What? Why didn’t she choose the one that she loved and wanted to be with? Andrea then tells us that you can make it work with anyone if you choose to put in the time and effort. It helps if the other person feels the same way. Erica is getting to know Andrea because she’s in love with Kevin, and Andrea is getting to know Erica to get her vote. So…. this is the same woman who freaked out not 10 minutes ago about people calling her manipulative? Shut up, Andrea.
Cut to Joy and Gene in the bathroom, talking about how she lost her virginity at 15. She told us this story on the live feed. Everyone found out, and the other girls freaked out and started vandalizing her house and shit. That’s crazy. She had to change schools… because she had sex once. That’s ridiculous. Anyway, she went nuts, started drinking, doing drugs, and hanging out with 30 year old meth addicts. She’s glad to be alive, but she wants to give her daughter a better life. This has nothing to do with the show, and could have been shown in a video.
They’re called to see who’s returning from limbo. Fucking Andrea is dancing in the confessional and singing a song about how Mike is going to beat Jeffrey. Ori tells us that the returning player received only 51% of the vote. Wow. And… commercial.
Let’s break the suspense now. Jeffrey is back. We all know it. So, I’m hoping that, if the losing team captain managed to get 49% this week, maybe the losing team captain will get 51%+ next week? Fingers crossed. Kevin is sad. Awww, whatever Kevin. Erica is ecstatic. Jeffrey says he’s never doing that again and reminds us that he did it to keep Andrea from being Team Captain. Jeffrey, the fact that you all hate her doesn’t mean that the viewers do. Gene pulls Jeffrey aside to talk to him, and that leads Kevin and Andrea to talk smack about Gene for awhile. Joy tells Jeffrey how Erica went crazy when he was gone.
Later that night, before the team captain reveal. Gene predicts Kevin and Erica. Kevin thinks it’ll be him, not Erica. They’re both wrong, so it doesn’t matter. Kevin tells Andrea that Gene is full of shit. She’s such a bitch. Stephanie reminds us that Jeffrey went to limbo solely so that Andrea would not be immune. It didn’t work, so that sucks. Joy and Steph are the captains. I’m pretty sure @TGHDarthVadar is right and this whole thing is rigged for Andrea. There’s no other explanation. Anyway, we learn that Stephanie had more votes than Joy, so she gets first pick.
Joy is understandably upset. She’s crying and trying to figure out what she did wrong. She just wants to sit in the chair and mope, while Gene gives up comforting her. Kevin and Andrea go into a room to cheer. Andrea does that dance that makes me want to beat her to death with a shovel. She’s so horrible - I don’t really understand how the viewers don’t see it. There’s a moment where I think she and Kevin might kiss, which would be awesome (because it would show her as such a hypocrite), but I’m wrong. Anyway, cut to Joy lying in bed being sad and Gene comforting her. *yawn* Oh, good! Commercial!
The challenge - Steph picked Kevin and Erica, and Jeffrey chose to align with them. Joy has Gene and Andrea. Did she say that “Andrea thinks she’s a good athlete?” That’s funny. anyway, it’s some kind of ski-ball relay challenge. I expect Gene to kick ass at this, given the bowling game early on. They tell us that there is a “prize” cup. One of the prizes is a science kit - Stephanie gets really excited, but everyone else just looks at her. Jeffrey tells us that, since he was the last pick and there’s an uneven number, he’s just the cheerleader. He’s an awesome cheerleader, though. Kevin tells Erica not to sprint to throw her balls. Interesting. Is he being nice, or does he want their team to lose? Kevin wins $3k and cariactures of the cast, and a science kit, and $2k? But he can’t get any of the balls in the slot that will help his team ACTUALLY WIN THE GAME??? Uh-huh. Eff you, Kevin. Andrea just makes fun of Joy’s running, because she’s an evil skank. Randomly, I like the link asking me to recommend this video on Facebook. Why would I do that to people I like? Ok, this challenge is actually pretty cool. Anyway, I already know what happens, so I can tell you while I’m watching that Stephanie’s team won. Joy is sad. I’m glad there are only 12 minutes left.
Back in the house, Joy tells us that everyone is expecting her not to come back. Joy, honey, it’s not your fault. The way the show is set up, the team captain never comes back (I pray that, this time, I’m wrong). Erica assures Joy that she never had any intention of voting for Gene, and that she swore up and down to Andrea and Kevin that she couldn’t break her word to vote for Gene. I wish I hadn’t seen that conversation, because it makes me upset with Erica. Back in the living room, we see that someone drew caricatures of all of the players. They’re really good, and the players are happy.
In the bedroom, Erica is telling Kevin and Andrea that she doesn’t want to vote against Andrea, even though she thinks she’ll be back. She says that she has obligations. Kevin says that he’s leaving if Joy comes back and they don’t break up the Showmance. Erica thinks the entire thing was calculated. Joy is talking about how Erica is a crappy friend. Then, we see Erica showing us that she is a crappy friend, and she’s telling Andrea that she’d rather have her than Gene. This is cut so that it’s hard to tell which room Steph is actually in, but I think she’s listening to Erica, and she’s stunned. The next day, Joy is talking to Erica about how, if their team lost, there’s no way Joy and Gene would have voted against her. Joy reminds Erica of her word, and Erica acts like she didn’t just promise not to send Gene to limbo. Joy tells Erica that she’ll take it as a personal attack if Erica vote against Gene. I understand why she’s saying that, although she doesn’t phrase it in the best way. Anyway, Erica sees that as choosing Gene over Joy, which isn’t really what it is - it’s acknowledging that Erica has turned into a backstabbing liar. This is so sad and painful to watch. Anyway, commercial.
Oooh… Nashville! Coming soon on ABC! (What? It’s got to be better than this.) When we’re back, stupid fucking Andrea’s family comes up to give the #Fanswers. I refuse to watch. Is it super awkward for Kevin to watch this, since he’s so in love with her? Kris is exactly as not hot as I thought he was from the Prop. 8 picture. The fans told Andrea that they prefer humble to cocky. Erica is told, “no,” but I never saw her question, so that’s not helpful. She says that her #Fanswer told her to vote for Gene. Jeffrey is told that he and Erica should turn on Gene before he turns on them. I randomly wonder if I would want to take my kids on a reality show. Anyway, we see Andrea, Erica, and Jeffrey talking about the #Fanswers. Erica is 100% voting for Gene, she doesn’t care about her integrity at all, so for once, Gene is not the swing vote. It’s Jeffrey. Jeffrey comes to talk to Stephanie about it, and she tells him that, if he votes for Andrea, he’ll force a tie - and we all know how Joy will vote. Gene and Joy are pissed that three people voted for Gene, and I can’t blame them - it should have been only Andrea and Kevin. They try to make this suspenseful by going to commercial with one stone left. I already know that Jeffrey threw at Andrea.
Grey’s Anatomy is still on? Really? I stopped watching when I realized that I was so depressed after every episode that strangers were starting to worry about me. Ah, well. It’s a tie, so Joy picks Andrea to go to limbo with her. Shocking. Joy and Andrea head down the tubes as I pray, once again, that America is not fucking stupid. In roughly 9 hours, I hope I don’t have to start crying. We see Joy plead to help her give her daughter a better life. Andrea says things, but I’m not listening. I’m calculating whether she has more fans than Joy, Erica, Jeffrey, Gene, and Stephanie combined. We learn that, next week, someone will be tempted into quitting the game. I’m thinking Gene - if he’s really a mole (suggested by Apollo’s tweets), this would be an easy way of getting him out of the house. Oh, well. Live feed’s in three hours, so I have things to do.
