Live Feed - Monday, July 30, Part 2

Here is the remainder of Scarly's guest blog from Monday night.  Thank you, Scarly!  I just hope you guys don't really like her recaps better than mine...


I’m nice and rested and now emotionally ready to handle another 2 hours of Glass House-a-palooza.  Unfortunately, I’m relying on a youtube video since last night’s live feed isn’t posted yet on ABC’s site.  They had some technical difficulties, so there’s a chunk of video missing between where I ended yesterday and where I am starting out today.

Wait, why am I saying, “unfortunately?” I get to watch like 10 mins less of footage with no guilt.  If one of the glassholes solved world peace in that 10 min stretch, I will submit a formal letter of apology to Snarky.  My guess is that the players found out they have to eat haggis and stood around awkwardly waiting for the next activity to start.  I’m sure it won’t be too hard to fill in the blanks.

• Jeffrey’s in the confessional and asked if he’s going to join with Kevin and Andrea.  Woah! WTF! What are they doing to his voice? I have no idea what he’s doing. Forget the players, are the PRODUCERS drunk? I think he’s attemping to sing and being...autotuned.  I had a microphone that sounded like that when I was a kid.  Wow, bad 80s memories flooding back. He’s going on and on. I catch the phrase “Wacka wacka.”
• Jeffrey’s now back in the kitchen and talking to Stephanie and Erica and I’m not listening because I’m still traumatized.  I should have had warning.
• I think Jeffrey is singing his “song” for the others.  Hard to tell, because it’s not particularly recognizable without the autotuning.
• Oh fuck. He just mentioned being the one to go first.  That means we get this autotuned nightmare from the rest? I was hoping the rest had gone super quickly during my missing 10 mins.
• Stop. Steph. Seriously. You’re my favorite on the show right now, but if you convince Gene and Jeffrey to go au naturel under their kilts, I may have to rethink our alliance.  
• In case her trying to convince them to remove their undies wasn’t traumatic enough the first time, now ABC is replaying that little mindfuck.
• We learn that Gene sends out 30 tweets at a time, taking him 10-15 mins each time he tweets.
• The live feed loops back.  Again.  Ok, maybe I lied when I said I was emotionally ready to tackle this particular live feed.
• Gene thinks Cali people are watching the live feed and the episode at the same time.  Not likely.  I’m not sure there’s anyone in California bothering with either unless they’re related to a contestant.
• Speaking of Cali contestants: it’s sad to think of how much Andrea misses her family.  PSA to the dear viewers: if you haven’t already, please take a moment to help reunite a mother with her children.  One vote can make all the difference.
• Gay boys enjoy kissing. That’s about the only thing I’m understanding with the incredibly drunk conversation that Jeffrey and Erica are currently having.  Oh, I think he’s telling her to get a life and leave Kevin alone.  The camera operator agrees, because it suddenly switches focus to Kevin standing by himself, juggling an orange.
• My feed freezes and I take a moment to marvel that this YouTube video has had 175 hits in under 24 hours. I didn’t think that 175 people had even heard of the show.  Fascinating.
• So Jeffrey has to change his cell phone number when he gets back? Because he’ll be a huge celebrity?
• Are Jeffrey and Erica doing some kind of extended improv bit? Or do they think they are? (I read that they’re actually both aspiring comedians.)I have no idea what is going on.
• Stephanie and Gene are using their caricatures to talk to the camera. But Stephanie keeps peeking around hers. Something about a fake showmance.  Coming from Gene. I am officially lost and if it weren’t for the kilts would think I’d downloaded a different live feed than I started last night.
• They ask Kevin why he’s being so serious. “It’s a serious game.” I beg to differ.  This is the game that made players mix potato salad with their feet.  
• Stephanie observes that no one else has been called to the confessional other than Jeffrey yet. Were the producers as traumatized as I was?
• I wonder how the players will feel when they get out of the house and realize they’ve spent months of their lives on a reality show with almost no viewers and no one knows or cares who they are.  It’s actually a little sad.
• It’s time for another vote: France v Germany.  Stephanie predictably freaks out over Germany.  I guess I totally missed the haggis vote.  
• The viewers choose France for attire.  Erica thinks it’s because it’s sluttier, I think it’s because the 8 people still watching know that Stephanie is all about Germany and they’re not going to throw her a bone like that.
• Looks like they’re dressing as mimes.  Short/low-cut lederhosen would have been much sluttier if that’s what the viewers were going for.
• They waited until Gene was in the middle of stripping to tell him it’s time to enter the singing room of death.
• A viewer asks a question about him and Joy and what happens if she loses. I seriously can’t focus on his actual words. I don’t think Ori can either.
• It looks like Gene was jerking off during his next answer.  Or maybe that shake weight is hiding in the confessional. Combined with his screeching/singing I’m really glad I didn’t watch this bit before I tried to sleep last night.
• Peace out, Gene.
• Viewers give them french food and champagne.  Sorry, Stephanie.
• Stephanie has just informed the viewers that she doesn’t speak French. In German. (See, mom and dad, my German graduate degree wasn’t a waste of time/money!)
• (Just kidding, my parents will never see this.)
• (Just kidding, it WAS a waste.)
• Kevin: if you could mute 1 player, who would you mute? His answer: Stephanie. He doesn’t like her only talking about science stuff and food labels. Kevin just endears himself to me more every day.
• Stephanie also has the weirdest quirk per Kevin: she’s a neat freak. She likes to clean up and asks other people to do the same.  From what I’ve read on twitter about people leaving glass and crap (literally) around, I can’t say I would do anything but thank her.
• Erica’s turn. She kisses more viewer ass by saying it’s a “good question” when asked her favorite outfit in the Glass House.  Yeah, it’s really not.
• “I like Kevin, but I’ll never know until this is over whether he has feelings or not.” Let me save you the suspense, sweetie.  It’s not.
• I’ve decided that the 8th level of hell has sing-song autotuning.
• Erica slips in another quick viewer ass kissing. And a reference to Kevin being her best friend.  In pretty much one very long breath.
• She thinks meeting Kevin is better than $250k. Ok, there’s nothing more I can do here.
• Stephanie’s turn.  She takes a moment to adjust the twins before heading into the confessional.
• What makes her different from the other players? She has a brain, she keeps cool and rational. And then I lose it because she’s “singing” at lightening speed.  I’m guessing it has something to do with reading labels and speaking about atoms and protons.
• Giggling with autotuning is highly unsettling.
• Kudos to Stephanie for attempting to occasionally rhyme. She keeps forgetting to “sing” though. I thank her for that.
• Stephanie thinks the viewers will recognize and appreciate hard work.  Her days are numbered.  This makes me sad.
• Time for players to change into something athletic. Also time for the West Coast pandering.
• Welcome, West Coast viewers. Clearly you will only watch AFTER your episode aired and would not have bothered tuning in for the 2 hours before the episode was on TV.  At least since the producers have low expectations they won’t be disappointed.
• This portion of the YouTube video is done and I go find a snack and a drink to hopefully sustain me through the final hour of this award-worthy broadcast.
• Ok, kids. 55:36 to go.  We can do this!
• On Planet Stephanie, athletic wear includes a pink tutu.  Awesome!
• Now we’re being told again about the vote we get tomorrow (now tonight).  If we somehow managed to pull off a coup and get rid of Andrea and she comes back I will quit this show.  I’m not kidding.
• Time to hear again about the players in limbo.  I’m not recapping anything unless someone does a big flip flop. Gene’s up 1st and you KNOW he’s not flipping.
• I love that Steph mentions that the only 2 “confirmed” boob jobs are in limbo right now.  It’s the Battle of the Boob Jobs!
• Why does a conservative Mormon who is all about modesty have a boob job to begin with? Think of all the anti-civil-rights organizations you could support with that money!
• I wonder what the people are doing that aren’t in the confessional. I bet Kevin and Erica are making out, knowing the cameras will be tied up for a while. I’d ponder more, but Ori just cut Stephanie off so Erica can get her turn.
• I officially say goodbye to my girl-crush on Erica as she slides deeper and deeper into betraying Joy. I tune out and come back just in time to hear her say “I cheat now and then but it’s going well.” I’m not sure if she’s talking about quitting smoking or her gameplay.
• No, Erica, Andrea has not changed. She’s the same snake she was in the beginning of the game.  She’s just (temporarily) not plotting against you in lieu of easier prey.
• Jeffrey’s turn. Nothing to see here.  Move along.
• I think Kevin’s opening is scripted to be exactly what he said the first time around.
• Look, Kevin, I think it’s great that Andrea’s devoted to her religion.  That is admirable.  What is NOT admirable is when she feels the need to force people to conform to her religious beliefs. That’s when the admirable nature of her beliefs stop and she just becomes a bully.  I don’t understand why he’s not getting this. Ok, I’ll step off my soapbox, now.  All this Andrea love is getting to me.
• Back to the living room. The players are forced to draw circles on the floor.  Steph is directing them.  I will laugh in the future if she’s gone and everyone stands around staring at each other whenever asked to do something. ABC may be forced to provide actual props then.
• They’re going to do turtle races. Turtles barely move, right? How long as we going to stare at these poor animals standing in one spot?
• Ori seems to be getting impatient.  This must not be moving fast enough for the producers.  They realize they chose TURTLES, right?
• Kevin’s turtle made a beeline for the finish line and then stopped right on the edge and turned around. I love that the turtle just gave a great big Fuck You to Kevin.
• We’re back to Jeffrey who’s freaking out because a turtle somehow peed on his face. Wait, this happened already.  Damn, another loop courtesy of the ABC interns.
• The race is over. Stephanie won on a technicality. Not sure what technicality that would be.
• Ori told them to turn the turtles back in and then that crazy lady changed her mind.  “Let’s do it again.” Because it was stimulating viewing the first time.
• Stephanie won again.  She is the turtle whisperer.
• They’re doing a 3rd and final race.  ABC shared my expectation of turtle speed and expected it to last longer.
• My boyfriend just came home and is staring transfixed at the turtle race on my computer screen.  Maybe this is better viewing than I realized.  Or maybe not...he also watches soccer and astronomy documentaries on tv.
• I momentarily find my boyfriend more interesting than the feed and am not motivated enough to go back and find out who won the 3rd race.  Not like it really matters if it’s best out of 3.
• We get to have an awards ceremony.  Gene won gold in football. Kevin won gold in archery. Jeffrey and Stephanie get very excited about splitting bronze.  They realize that means they came in 3rd and 4th of out 5? Stephanie won gold for the turtle race.
• All the medal winners line up in a row.  Erica is the only one remaining seated. Awwwwww.
• Ori: “And for the person without a medal....” *rooster sound effect* Huh?
• Good night, Kevin.  Good night, Erica. (Btw your motif has officially become a rooster crowing.)  Good night, Jeffrey.  Good night, Stephanie.  Good night John Boy...er...Gene.  (I think I missed his goodbye.)
• Good night glitchy feed that kept repeating all night.
• Good night, ABC interns running the video.
• Good night, Ori.  Don’t worry - we know all about the special vote and trivia contest next week.
• Oh wait, the feed isn’t quite done.  We have a few minutes of the players thinking the live feed is done.  I wonder if they let us vote to bring back a player who hasn’t been sequestered and, if so, whether they’ll spill the beans on all the secret live footage.
• Erica and Kevin are talking. I can hear very loud ice clinking, but not them.  But their body language said it all - Erica was about ready to leap onto his lap and he was physically putting himself as far from her as he could. Then the feed suddenly cut out.
• The End. I survived.

I now have a new girl-crush on Snarky (I had an opening after the Erica defection).  She rocks for doing this all the time - I hope you give her some love.