Today, we have a special guest blog from a friend of mine who has insisted on remaining anonymous, because no one can know that he/she watches this crap.
They're all primping. Why are they always primping right up until the minute it starts?
So, we're going with touts again. Great, I want to see what kind of idiots are actually watching this shit, but a face to the horribly mispelled shit that they're vomiting up all over the internet.
Tout #1 is some blue haired freak asking: "What is the dumbest thing you've ever done? I want to hear some interesting STORIES!"
Jeffrey - Limbo. Well, that was pretty fucking retarded.
Steph - When living in Germany, accidently told her boss that she was horny (In German, screwed up the form of "hot")
Joy - has done a lot of dumb shit (NO KIDDING?), says she has no filter. Apparently she uses "gay" as a negative ("That's so gay").
Andrea - specifies she's only had EMBARASSING, but then changes to say she has a dumb one afterall. She got married at a young age, says she was trying to be an dult and make Dr appointments. Says she knew she needed birth control before she got married, tried to make an appointment with a gynecologist. Then get gets all screwed up and says she's telling the story bad, dropped the punchline. I don't get this, must be mormon humor. She called her dentist for birth control, and thought she needed a cleaning to get birth control? What the fuck?
What a fucking idiot.
Erica tries to turn the question into "embarrassing", saying she's done a lot of dumb things, the asker must have wanted embarrassing. Blah blah, she got drunk at college. Why is TGH bleeping her friend's name repeatedly? Whatever, she pissed the bed when passed out from drinking. Classy. Says she got the nickname "Tinklebell" as a result
Gene: Found creative ways to watch tv when grounded as a kid. Told to change his mic battery.
Kevin: Dollar beer night, during police academy. Do we need to know any more? I'm assuming this will be the origin story of how he "gets drunk and molests people". OMG HE WANTED TO DRIVE A MOTORCYCLE WHILE DRUNK AND IN POLICE ACADEMY. HE TRIED TO DUI, but the motorcycle flew out from under him and got wrecked. He says he was an idiot for wrecking the bike. NO, you asshole... you were an idiot for TRYING TO DRIVE DRUNK. Fuck you.
Jeffrey: Was forced to play soccer, his dad was a "soccer dad". Oh shit, he's telling his "shit in his pants" story. Why does he need to revisit this? Is the theme of today improper bowel/bladder control? WHAT THE FUCK?!
Ten bucks says we eventually see Erica and Jeffrey in German scatological porn together. WHAT THE FUCK.
Back to Gene.. He tried to figure out how his mom was busting him for watching TV, she felt the back of the TV for heat.. so he left a cold wet towel on the back of the TV and was busted. Boring
Stephanie says that was all of their "Densa" moments. I think I heard that right?
Can we go back to Kevin for a moment? What kind of a sick son of a bitch can look at a story about how they attempted to drive drunk as at ALL amusing? Smug fucking bastard! Also, WHILE HE WAS IN POLICE ACADEMY?! Shouldn't that shit be an automatic fail? THIS is what is given a gun and a badge? Jesus Christ!!!!!
Ori says that the viewers have asked for the show to let them know about what happened in Colorado, referring to the "heartbreaking tragedy". LOOOONG pause before Ori reads off the news. Everyone is visibly shaken, Jeffrey is crying, Joy is crying.
Erica says that Aurora is 10 minutes from her, is walking through who she could have known to gone to that movie premiere.
Steph is wondering what it takes to drive people to do something like that.
Joy wants to talk about psych history, mentions Virginia Tech, and people with Psych histories, says that until there's actually proof that a person will do something, they can't do anything about it, even if there are signs that a person could. She is upset that people like this can legally been able to buy a gun, if that's the case.
I don't want to give commentary on this discussion. This will be very abbreviated.
I will say that Joy brings up the fact that - no matter where this person came from - this IS an act of terrorism (Ori had specified that it had been declared NOT terrorism)
Andrea doesn't want to discuss this.
Talk of where society has gone wrong, etc.
Joy mentioned that she can guarantee that someone saw this coming with the shooter, but that it hadn't gotten to the point of DOING anything. Andrea interrupts with a HUGE, very rude sigh.
Stephanie's reaction to tragedy - even in her life, how she processes loss is trying to get to the root of it, why it happened, how it could be prevented, etc.. but these shootings keep happening, no one can make sense of it, etc.
Ori assures Erica that the show checked in with her immediate friends and family, and that everyone is ok.
Stephanie feels really disconnected because they're "bouncing around doing ridiculous things", while tragedies are going on in the real world, and they have no idea.
You know, this is all extremely gratuitous. I think that the show should have let them know in private.
Ori says that it's time to do something different, an aquatic activity to "lighten the mood". SO UNBELIEVABLY INAPPROPRIATE. The contestants - aside from Kevin - all look like they're NOT up for doing something fun after that. It's a very, very dark mood in there, and then straight into this? Stephanie points out that it's a very weird transition, Ori makes a singsong comment about "awkward segues".
God I hate this show. Why am I watching this shit? Snarky, you owe me big for this. I'm halfway through, is it too late to bow out of your sadomasochistic viewing?
Cuts to bonus scene with Erica and Mike scheming about Erica. WTF? Mike is gone. Why can't this show stay up to date? Classy, it's just them talking about how Erica probably has a HUGE following that they could use.
Seriously, I didn't like Kevin before, but after joking (sort of proudly!) about his attempted DUI WHILE IN POLICE ACADEMY ... he can really DIAF.
Erica is talking about her hair extensions.
Sounds like Ori is dropping $500 in cash on the contestants - now in flippers and scuba masks - on them, enclosed in balloons. The contestants get to keep any money they have in balloons. The player with the most money at the end wins another $500.
Kevin won $5k?
They all look ridiculous.
I want to see Erica and Andrea get into a brawl.
Andrea, your fake boobs are hanging out. Where the fuck is this modesty you crow about?
Fuck, there are hundreds of balloons, and they have to pop all of them. Each pop is vibrating/echoing.
They're all stomping randomly, aside from Stephanie who is looking at the balloons first to see if they're money, just bypassing anything that doesn't.
Andrea, does all of this picking money up off the floor remind you of anything? Is this how you financed your implants?
This is horrendously boring. They'll probably take another 20 mins to pop them all.
Jeffrey is popping them off his forehead...?
Ori: "Get it! Get that Money."
This has got to be a mind fuck with some of them. What a ridiculous task for after such a dark conversation.
Erica is shoveling bills into the bra of her swimsuit.
You know what's ridiculous? The popping sound of the balloons - along with the echo - REALLY makes it sound like a shooting range in there.
This is really disturbing.
GLaDOS tells Jeffrey to shield his eyes. Yay.
Holy crap. Will the popping ever stop?
Beige. I think I'll paint the ceiling beige.
OH. They have a nail on their masks. Joy is on her hands and needs, bobbng her head up and down as she crawls around looking for money. She seems ... practiced.
They've all pretty much given up.
Apparently they're all lightheaded and dizzy. Hey, look at that! They are able to identify with the audience experience! (Although Andrea's voice is more like nails on a chalkboard, than popping balloons)
Jeffrey won't stop complaining about shit. Shut up, already.
Joy looks like she's ALL business with counting her dollar bills.
Do these people even know how to count? I mean, aside from Joy & Andrea with their "holla for a dolla" pasts, anyway.
Jeff is flipping the fuck out about how his foot hurts, they had to hear the news, then deal with balloons sounding like gunshots - he's MAD. Says they should donate his $23 to mental health for the victims "How about THAT, Ori?!"
I don't blame him. I guess I'll cut him some slack for earlier whining.
Now they're all back to looking depressed. I think they feel dirty for the activity.
Joy says she knows that Jeffrey said it when he was mad, but that she thinks it's legitimately a good idea.
More talk about the shooting.
Holy shit, Ori actually INTERRUPTED the contestants trying to come to terms with the tragedy to let them know she's calculated the amounts. So insensitive and inappropriate!
Andrea wins... I KNEW she was experienced at this! She says the money doesn't matter to her.
Wow. Ori just said that she hopes the contestants GOT THEIR AGGRESSION OUT. Who the fuck writes for this show!? Seriously, after the shooting discussion?! Some solemnity, please?!
Andrea is saying that she thinks Jeffrey's outburst was him trying to exploit it?
Jeffrey is in bed crying, talking to Joy. He's upset that he thinks the world could be perfect, and then this happens. Says he's frustrated that things can't be perfect. He's upset at hearing the popping sound constantly for 20 minutes.
It cut to Andrea telling others that if it happened to her she would not want to hear others trying to rationalize - Feed over.
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