Live Feed - Monday, July 30, Part 1

This will be a little disjointed, because I haven't actually seen the episode yet, but Scarly is in a different time zone and kindly agreed to help by recapping this week's marathon crapfest. Er... live feed. Not sure I want to share it, though, because I'm worried that y'all will stop reading when you realize that she's way funnier than I am.  Anyway.... on to the recap!

Monday's Live Feed, Part One
So Snarktastic Lady (“Snarky” to those of us in the esteemed inner circle) asked for some help blogging tonight.  Given how many live feeds she saved me from having to watch myself, I couldn’t refuse.  Well, actually I tried to get away with blogging without watching the show...guess I should have waited until tomorrow to hit send.  So here I am, actually watching the live feed and betting it’s pretty spot on to what I’ve already written (see the Monday sneak preview post).

• I have sound and no picture.  Why do I have no picture? I spend a bunch of time trying to figure it out and miss a lot of pre-Ori babbling.
• In an attempt to get my damn feed to work, I pull out the PC.  My Mac and PC take turns freezing and playing and have an odd echoing conversation going on.  This is actually the most interesting live feed so far.
• I miss the first question because I’m swearing at the Mac.  Now Steph is calling herself out because Joy and Erica don’t have boob jobs??? Wait til she sees Joy’s Playboy pics.
• We learn Joy is 6-1 in challenges vs. 1-6 for Andrea.  For someone who’s done a lot of whining about people throwing challenges, Andrea’s track record is less than stellar.
• My new drinking game rule: drink whenever someone says “workable bonds”
• Stephanie is STILL talking. Even Ori had zoned out.
• Jeffrey goes to answer in private. This should be good.  Just kidding.
• He thinks Andrea is more deserving to come back.  His reasoning is that Joy has given up, because she doesn’t think she’s coming back.  Let’s review the voting history: captain out, captain out, captain out, captain out, captain out, captain out.  How dare she assume she’s going home!
• Erica says it’s between loyalty and honesty.  I get to take a few shots with my new workable bonds rule.  I like my new rule and hope Snarky adopts it.  This feed is so much better drunk.
• Erica is going on and on and on.  Either she and Jeffrey don’t understand this game or they’re playing someone.  Seriously, if Andrea stays in none of you are winning.  This is not difficult.
• My theory: players have come to realize the longer they spend discussing their answers the less time they have to spend with stupid activities later in the feed.
• Kevin thinks that....drumroll....Andrea should come back.  Wait...what? Next Gene is going to say he wants Joy to come back.
• Gene is going in private for his answer.  The suspense is killing me. For some reason he drags in Stephanie.
• Gene displays his opinion by taking off his shirt.  He got a jump start on tonight’s costume in a tshirt with Joy’s name that looks suspiciously like it was created by Joy herself. I guess she gave up on the pillow from locks of hair or whatever she was making during the live feed.
• Gene is actually making a good point that getting rid of Andrea will make people play their own game and not just protect her.
• Congrats, Gene.  Someone finally made Stephanie look succinct.
• Time for some tout audio visual questions. Jacob’s lost twin Judd asks a question and confirms that of the 2, Jacob actually got the brains.
• Stephanie thinks Kevin is the biggest competition
• No one else wants to answer
• Erica also thinks the biggest competition is Kevin.
• ABC is clearly upset that I haven’t voiced my opinion on the worst date night worker, because I’ve seen it at least 4 times now.  Somewhere in LA an intern is crying over my refusal to answer.
• Jeffrey says Kevin is the biggest competition.  So is Andrea not an option because she’s in limbo? These people clearly haven’t seen the Mormon propaganda for Andrea.
• Kevin says Jeffrey.  He couldn’t say himself, so he just said the first name that popped into his head.
• Gene says Kevin and Kevin is grinning like a cheshire cat.  Yeah, Gene’s the cocky one.  Go with that guys.
• Erica is calling Kevin out on bullshitting her by saying he thought she was the one to beat.  Please let this mean that her eyes are finally open and she’s not going to keep on with her 14-year-old-stalker impression. I think I’ll hold my breath.
• New tout: Are people voting on whether they relate to players or how they’re playing the game? Jeffrey has no idea. Neither do I.  I think that’s because most of the viewers are still learning to write their name in cursive and don’t really know what they’re doing, either.
• Erica has an anti-strategy strategy. And she agrees with everything the viewers do. Aka Erica’s strategy is to kiss viewer ass.
• Kevin cops out (see what I did there!) and say it’s both
• I tune Gene out. Now Stephanie is talking about being an unemotional droid and is doing a great job of selling herself by telling us how unfunny and unpopular she is.
• Can we go to the stupid costumes already so I can stop with the compulsive feeling that I have to take notes on everything these people ramble about?
• Ori listened - now we’re doing some kind of global celebration. First they dress as someone from Canada. “What do Canadians wear, maple leaves?” Nope, apparently coonskin caps, mounty jackets and flannel shirts.  Stereotype, much?
• We now get to see a scene from the last episode, starring Andrea, Kevin and Erica, complete with overly dramatic soundtrack.
• Back to the present: In Stephanie’s mind, German and Canadian accents are interchangeable.
• I really hope this show doesn’t air in Canada.
• They get Canadian food and drink. Stephanie is having a foodgasm over the poutine. I’m trying to figure out wtf it is, eh.

                         

• Ori: “what if I had a moose for you to ride.” Jeffrey: “wouldn’t be the first time.”
• Discussion commences around the plural of moose (it’s moose) and spirit animals.  
• My spirit animal is the gummy bear. I tweeted the producers my vodka gummy bear recipe for their regular Monday night binge session.  They ignored me, but you’d be smart to google it - that shit rocks at parties.
• I swear they just asked me if I want the players to play Fuck Football.  Hell yeah! Oh wait, it’s flick football.  Really, someone thinks that would be good viewing?
• Fun fact: according to Wikipedia, a Facebook poll showed that 51% of people consider poutine to be the national dish of Canada.  You heard it here, folks.
• According to my own Facebook poll, 51% of my friends think I’m insane for watching this show and live feeds.  Actually I lie.  It’s much, much higher than that.
• Ori is now piping in applause to introduce a “variety of games for the viewers’ amusement.” I stopped finding this amusing 8 weeks ago.
• Per Wikipedia, poutine is french fries covered in gravy and cheese curds. mmmmm.  Yeah, not so much.
• Flick football and archery wins. Have the viewers ever turned down a “both” option? Why even bother having us vote if you’re going to give us a “both” option?
• They start playing a game that’s boring when I’m the one playing it.  I take the opportunity to spell check my blog entry thus far. I discover that I misspelled “spellcheck.”
• It’s 11:11 cst and I make a wish to have time fast forward to 2 am so I can go to sleep.  Actually I’ll likely sleep at midnight and tell Snarky she gets the rest Tuesday night.
• Looks like Gene won. Ori says he’s a “talented flicker.” I thought he hasn’t flicked in like 5 years?
• In a voiceover that the cast can’t hear, we learn that tomorrow we get to decide who returns to the glass house.  Next Monday we can also take a Glass House quiz to win $10k.  Guess someone snitched on us that we weren’t really paying attention.
• Time for archery.  Suction cup arrows.  ABC couldn’t spring for real targets so they’re drawing them on the windows?
• Erica goes off on a long rambling monologue to say that she thinks Gene will be a team captain tomorrow.
• Stephanie has created a bullseye and made up random rules. Seriously if she leaves the game this place is falling apart. Ori fills in the blanks in the rules and then calls the players one by one. Channeling Ashley, Erica calls Ori “boo.”
• I have a sudden flashback to the bowling game that Stephanie invented on the first day in the house. I thought it was quite clever at the time and now I fear she gave the show ideas.
• After Kevin kicks ass in suction cup archery, the house begins a vigorous debate about what 73x3 is. Stephanie is trying not to laugh out loud and we suddenly understand her motivation behind the bizarre point values she assigned each ring on the target.
• They’re telling us that their catch phrase whenever someone is believed to be lying is “roll the tape.” We actually learned this during the TV episode when they DID roll the tape and proved that Andrea ranks telling the truth right up there with equal rights for all.
• Stephanie sucks.  Or she doesn’t.  Double entendre to basically say that she lost handily.
• I’m totally downloading this live feed later and making a screenshot of Erica with a dart on her forehead for an avatar.
• We’re finally abandoning Canada for either Russia or Scotland.  Given the possibility of Jeffrey and Gene getting to wear skirts, er, kilts, my money is on Scotland.  
• I win.
• I didn’t hear/see the other option, but I have no doubt that they will soon be eating haggis.
• What masochist scheduled the live feed for this late at night?
• Biggest travel blunder vs coolest travel experience? Viewers go for the embarrassing story, so I expect the blunder.
• The girls all look ready to wait tables at Twisted Kilt.  Jeffrey’s shirt is 2 sizes too small.  So are they gaining weight in the house or is ABC inexplicably unable to find a white tshirt in Jeffrey’s size?
• Yep. Time for travel blunders. I realize that it’s 3 mins to midnight and when their stories are done I can go to sleep.
• Gene stumbled across a Klan rally.
• Erica studied abroad in England in college. Her blunder involves being slutty abroad. I wonder if their slutty trip to Italy will be off once Joy sees that Erica wants Andrea to come back.
• Jeffrey is now wearing a nipple patch and tells a story involving a gay bar in New Orleans. He turned down a creepy ugly guy who hit on him. I’m confused.
• I bet Stephanie’s involves Germany.
• Stephanie’s involves Germany. I’m so smart. Hey Stephanie, is Mensa looking for new members? If they’re like you, I may actually join.
• I think Stephanie is the cutest of everyone in a kilt. She tells a really long story that has nothing to do with a blunder.  Am I tired or is she drunk? Maybe both.  Short story long - her mom bought 2 left sandals in Italy and google translated sandals into ice skates when she wrote a complaint letter.
• Kevin’s story involves the phrase “me being a bonehead.” Finally he says something I agree with. I’m so excited about this revelation I don’t hear the rest of the story.
• My high school German teacher once informed a bakery full of students that German bread doesn’t contain condoms (condom= Praeservativ in German).  
• JFK never actually told Germany that he was a jelly donut.  It’s a myth used to scare young German students.  It’s very complicated, but “Ich bin ein Berliner” actually can mean “I’m a (sorta) Berlin person.”
• There, now you have a couple of mildly amusing and informative travel blunders.

And with that, dear reader, I’m done for tonight.  You (and I) now have the cliffhanger to look forward to: what did the viewers decide for them to eat?  

I have to actually work tomorrow, so it will be tomorrow night when I finish watching the live feed and blog on it.  Til then...